The latest to end up on the Christmas naughty list: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
The innocent animated seasonal TV special of our youth is now right up there with Christmas controversies like Starbucks cups and the #metoo-taboo song lyrics of "Baby It's Cold Outside."
After Rudolph aired on CBS last week, HuffPost posted a story by Ed Mazza: "Viewers Noticed Some Very Disturbing Details In Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" with the subhead "Some of the scenes in this Christmas classic raise all kinds of issues."
Issues?! Rudolph?! Really? Even the Island of Misfit Toys can't be a vacation spot from sour, humorless political correctness?
Well, whew, the article -- in which Mazza quotes tweets from TV viewers about the phenomenon of watching the 1964 stop-motion special in 2018, appeared under the heading "Comedy." So perhaps these posts are in jest. You decide:
• Has anyone else noticed that within the first five minutes of #RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer two characters get bullied?
• Oh no. It's #RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer I don't have strength to watch this again. Those poor elves. That bully with the whip. Abusive deer. Dentist shaming. Unloved toys. It's too much.
• The North Pole needs a HR department. All these bosses are horrible. #RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer
• I can even buy into (Rudolph's) father being terrible, but SANTA? That's messed up. #RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer #Rudolph
• Every year the elf throws the bird out of the sleigh without an umbrella, even though earlier the bird said it CAN'T FLY. Every. Damn. Year. #RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer
• Ugh.....here comes Comet. The worst coach you've ever seen on screen since the last move you ever watched about youth sports.#RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer
• Nothing says holiday spirit quite like dissecting #RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer and realizing almost everyone is a (jerk). Comet legit encouraged bullying and exclusion.
Maybe they're joking. Or maybe they really think that Rudolph is as abominable as its snow monster before Hermey, the nonconformist elf with oral surgeon skills, pulls out his teeth ... without consent and on camera and therefore committing a major HIPAA breach.
The same people who find Rudolph galling are sure to find much to be offended about in other traditional Christmas specials. Here's what we imagine them tweeting:
Elf
• Buddy's breakfast: spaghetti, maple and chocolate syrups, sprinkles, mini-marshmallow, M&Ms and chocolate Pop-Tarts. And we wonder why there's a childhood obesity epidemic!
• "We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup" -- Buddy the Elf. Apparently the North Pole has way better dental insurance than the United States. #healthcare
A Christmas Story
• It's just not Christmas in America until there's a bullied weapon-hungry child in a pro-NRA cable marathon. #guncontrol
• Putting soap in your naughty kid's mouth? Oh fudge, that is child abuse!
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
• How insensitive to call him a Grinch. Clearly he suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder. #SAD
• Not even one person of color in all of Whoville? And notice they didn't really welcome the green guy until he brought everyone presents!
• Making that poor pooch wear a heavy antler while pulling that giant sleigh. Someone call PETA about Max the dog.
A Charlie Brown Christmas
• What a heartwarming message of anti-commercialism from A Charlie Brown Christmas ... in between all those commercials.
• A real Christmas tree? Way to be anti-environment and pro-deforestation, Charlie Brown! And don't even get us started on Frosty the Snowman. #globalwarming.
Have yourself a merry little Christman email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
What's in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman 'hood.
Style on 12/04/2018