I struggle with Christianity, and I struggle with our patriarchal society. The two are intertwined, although I don't believe Jesus would have it that way. Women played a key role in Jesus' ministry.
When I was a very religious young girl, there were no women priests or ministers. In my early teens, I had a boyfriend who was an acolyte, and I was jealous that I could not be an acolyte too. It didn't seem fair. Everything about the church was reminiscent of male power. There were so many messages that as a female, I was a second-class citizen. These messages were subtle and taken in at an unconscious level, and as a "good girl," I didn't question any of it.
In my 50s, I went to a leadership retreat at a place called the Wisdom House in Connecticut. It was run by Catholic sisters who told us that Wisdom was the feminine name for God. I had never known that there was a feminine name for God, and it challenged so many of my religious concepts in a positive way. On a break, I went into their chapel, and instead of seeing the suffering Jesus on the cross, there was a statue of a beatific Mother Mary holding the baby Jesus in her arms. I cried. Here was something I could relate to. What if religion were about nurturing, mothering, safety and compassion instead of suffering, sin and a male-dominated system that decided whether or not you were saved?
On Mother's Day two years ago at St. Paul's Episcopal Church, every person serving on the altar was a woman. There were women priests, women acolytes and women lay readers. I don't know if it was intentional, and it is quite possible that it wasn't because women serve in so many roles in this church. But it felt almost as if Mother Mary was wrapping her loving arms around me. It was healing.
What brought all of this on for me right now? It is some combination of the #Me Too movement and the horrifying spectacle of Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court confirmation on the one hand, and the gift of a song from my friend and fellow musician John Ray on the other. John is recording songs he has written, and I am singing harmony on some, so I've been learning the words. One song is called "The Psalm of Love." It is a rewrite of the 23rd Psalm that substitutes the word "Love" for the word "Lord." I like that. I have always been uncomfortable using the masculine and hierarchical term "Lord" for God. It is distancing, and I am hungry for a more personal connection with God. 1 John 4:8 tells us "God is Love."
I look forward to celebrating the birth of Christ's love in the world and will attempt to be as loving and compassionate as I can be. Just as the Divine Masculine is in all of us, so is the Divine Feminine. I pray for more balance in our religions and in our world.
NAN Religion on 12/15/2018