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DEBRA HALE-SHELTON: Making resolutions for others

by Debra Hale-Shelton | January 19, 2020 at 1:48 a.m.

I considered writing about my new year's resolutions, but one of them was to quit running late. Then I realized this column wouldn't appear until almost three weeks after New Year's Day.

So it might be better, I thought, if I write about other people's resolutions, if I am the one to choose them. Here are a few:

• Arkansas Razorback fans: At least try to profess the same interest in who's running your children's schools as you do in Razorback football coaches.

• Vladimir Putin: Stay put ... in Russia, especially during U.S. elections.

• President Donald Trump: Try to remember that Barack Obama is not running for office since he was the 44th president, the one right before you. Hillary Clinton isn't running either. You won; she lost. Move on.

• Former state Sen. Jeremy Hutchinson: Stay away from ex-girlfriend Julie McGee and laptops, former lobbyist Rusty Cranford, former legislators Jon Woods, Eddie Cooper, Hank Wilkins IV, Micah Neal et al., and preserved alligator heads (Google it).

• Former Vice President Joe Biden: Hug less; comment less; think more.

The Bachelor, newest season: Remember that love, fame and sex are not remotely the same.

• Trump: Read Two Corinthians, and Google the word "forgiveness." Then hire a couple of plumbers to fix the White House toilets.

• Brad Pitt: You're just fine as you are.

• Gilbert Baker: Stay away from meth, nursing-home owner Michael Morton and imprisoned former Judge Michael Maggio. While reporters love it, you also might be wise to avoid news conferences moments after you appear in court on bribery and other charges.

• Politicians of all stripes: Per the New Testament, please do not boast of or advertise your prayers. That includes inviting photographers to your next posed prayer.

• Members of Congress: If you call yourself pro-life, support effective but reasonable gun legislation and health-care insurance to protect Americans after they leave the mother's womb and as they sometimes must choose between life-saving medicine and death. If you are pro-choice, keep in mind that the children and teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut and Westside Middle School in Jonesboro deserved a choice too. Compromise.

• Congress: Give middle-class Americans the same income-tax benefits in proportion to those that the 1 percent of Americans (aka Jeff Bezos) and wealthy corporations now get.

• Gov. Asa Hutchinson and state legislators: Since you don't fret too much over raising highway taxes, please also support increased public-school funding. Not everyone can afford or even wants to attend private schools, and schools should be more diverse and equitable in terms of income, race and facilities.

• Drivers: Quit drinking and driving, inhaling and driving, texting and driving. Just drive.

• Catholics, Baptists and everyone else: Quit ignoring sex abuse by priests, ministers and anyone else.

• Hollywood: Start paying women as much as men, and quit casting 70-year-old men opposite 40-year-old women and pretending they're about the same age. Or at least be like Keanu Reeves and cast more women with gray hair as romantic leads.

• Voters and TV commentators: Stop asking if every woman presidential candidate of either party is "likable."

• U.S. Senate: Surprise us. Be fair jurors during the impeachment hearings. Let the hearings be about Trump and Ukraine, not Democrats or Republicans or the next election. Yes, I know I'm dreaming.

• Democrats and Republicans: If Hunter Biden is a legitimate campaign target, so are Donald Jr., Eric and Ivanka Trump and vice versa. I'll give the two youngest Trumps a pass.

• Walter E. Hussman Jr.: Please continue the innovative strategies aimed at sustaining the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, and thank you for my iPad. Here's hoping other newspapers innovate rather than shut down.

• Readers: Please continue to support your local newspapers, and thank you,

• Non-readers: (who won't see this, so pass it on): Quit saying things like "The media won't cover this," especially if you haven't bought or read a newspaper in the past year or if you now get all of your "news" from opinion broadcasts on CNN, Fox and MSNBC. Then ask yourself: How did you know about the stories the media didn't cover if it were not for the media?

• Trump: Start thinking about your plans after wife No. 3. You're not getting any younger.

• Mister Rogers: Please come back to life and run for president.

Debra Hale-Shelton can be reached at dhaleshelton@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter at @nottalking.

Editorial on 01/19/2020

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