Matchmakers help singles look inward

Before the coronavirus pandemic hit, Cedric DuBose of Houston was completing a nine-week online course called "Love Alchemy." The workshop, intended to get him thinking about his relationship skills, was a prerequisite to hiring Amari Ice, a Washington-based matchmaker.

At 48, DuBose, who works in research and development for a pharmaceutical company, had grown weary of looking for love on his own. He considered online dating a bust. "The sites I've been on were all horrible," he said. "It was all people wanting hookups. And I'm not the hookup type." Ice, who was recommended by a friend, appealed because he presented himself as a love coach armed with practical advice.

The more constructive approach has become a way forward for many matchmakers, first in the age of internet dating and now in the age of covid-19. Lisa Clampitt is a founder and president in Manhattan of the Matchmaking Institute, which holds conferences and provides training for industry professionals. She said about 80% of matchmakers now offer coaching services. Thirty years ago most concentrated on the kind of matchmaking that for centuries had been the province of wise village elders. "It's a strong shift in the direction of coaching," Clampitt said.

As singles are stuck at home and social distancing makes traditional dating all but impossible, the coaching skills of matchmakers, now imparted online, are becoming more valuable.

"People are really clear at this point that investing in themselves is one of the best things to do with all the free time they have, so we've gotten an influx of new clients," Ice said. "They want help with online dating and romantic skill-building, to be used now or later."

Dating hasn't decreased because of the coronavirus, he added. "It has actually increased. But the method has shifted, logically, online."

WADING THE WEB

For veterans of online dating, that is not necessarily welcome news. Virus or no, "people go online and find that half the profiles are fake and the other half are scammers," said Lisa Ronis, a matchmaking veteran and coach in New York and South Florida. "They're swinging back to matchmakers because they need us to vet people."

Maria Avgitidis, a fourth-generation matchmaker in Manhattan who has set up more than 3,500 first dates and said she is responsible for about 200 marriages, increased the coaching part of her business, Agape Matchmaking, in 2018. Coaching clients, who pay $10,000 and up for a program called "Dating Refresh," get four months of help creating their online profiles and winnowing suitors, plus a makeover and photoshoot.

Since stay-at-home orders took hold, Avgitidis has increased her coaching services. "Coaching is where we've become quite innovative," she said. "People have questions on how to navigate dating during quarantine, and we've made ourselves available to answer those questions." This happens through a free weekly webinar called "Ask a Matchmaker Live." She is also hosting group coaching programs; $350 buys a five-session package.

Ronis, who has offered coaching throughout her two decades in the business and works mostly with women, is fielding batches of new inquiries. "People are lonelier than ever" since covid-19, she said. "They're longing for love and planning ahead." She charges $2,500 for five sessions that include lessons encompassing a combination of advice, common sense and tough love, she said; she expects to be inundated when social distancing eases.

Janis Spindel, the founder of Serious Matchmaking, calls her business a "luxury" global matchmaking service. She is based in Manhattan and also arranges dates through Zoom and FaceTime. "Love is pandemic proof," said Spindel, who started her business 35 years ago and takes credit for nearly 4,000 marriages.

Spindel doesn't see the need for coaching. Her clients, all men, mostly straight, consist of celebrities, athletes, financiers and captains of industry, she said. They pay $65,000 to $1.5 million to work with her or her daughter and business partner, Carly Spindel, for a year.

"They love it that women are really showing their personalities through Zoom because they're in comfortable clothes, in their home and they can get a sense of their home and their personality through the Zoom," Carly Spindel said in an email.

JUST MINGLE

Working out the kinks that may be sabotaging clients' love lives has not been the concern of traditionalists like Baila Sebrow, either. Sebrow of Lawrence, N.Y., has been matchmaking and organizing singles events for the Orthodox Jewish community for more than 30 years, in New York and around the world. By her account, she has facilitated more than 100 marriages. Most introductions are made for free.

"In the Orthodox world, that's what people expect," she said. "It's a mitzvah." Not that singles who find her on social media or through her column in the Five Towns Jewish Times newspaper, Dating Forum, should see visions of "Yentl." Matchmaking has taken on a secular flair in the community in recent years, she said. Still, instead of self-improvement exercises or love workshops, the tools of her trade remain intuition and perception.

Since mid-March, she has been busy setting up phone and Skype dates and hosting Zoom events for singles. "People very much want to date, because they don't have much human interaction," she said. "They're showing more interest now than previously."

"Nothing's changed but the method of how they see each other," Sebrow added. "And hopefully that's going to come to an end soon."

High Profile on 05/24/2020

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