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OPINION | DEAR ABBY: Beau’s female friends send ‘hands-off’ signal to his paramour

by Abigail Van Buren | August 19, 2021 at 1:00 a.m.

Dear Abby: I have been seeing a wonderful man for seven months and spend every weekend with him. We live 45 miles apart, but it works for us. He has a group of friends, five ladies, that he spends a lot of time with. He dated one of them for a year before he broke it off, but they remain friends. While they act friendly to me, but I get a proprietary vibe from them. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and I have told him so. Am I looking for trouble where there isn’t any? Should I just ignore the fact that his friends are women? He has men friends, too, but it’s the girls he is closer to. — Threatened In Arizona

Dear Threatened: Some men relate better to women than they do to men — which may be why your gentleman friend is closer to these women than to his male friends. They may be emitting a “proprietary vibe” because they feel threatened and fear you will steal him away.

I don’t know where this relationship is headed, and neither do you at this point. So for now, ignore the “vibe.” Be warm and friendly to the women and concentrate on what you have going with him. Please write me again in six months so I and my readers know what happens.

Dear Abby: My daughter is expecting her second child. I threw a baby shower for her when she was expecting her first and she complained that it “felt cheap” and wasn’t the celebration she envisioned. I was deeply hurt, but the shower was for her. I apologized and tried to make it up with extra gifts. I am unsure whether I should plan a shower for her now. I don’t want to offend her by not doing so. — Well-Meaning In New Mexico

Dear Well-Meaning: Your daughter’s behavior is rude, insensitive and ungrateful. You are under no obligation to give her another baby shower. If she approaches you for another one, suggest she ask some of her friends to give her the “shower of her dreams.”

P.S. According to the rules of etiquette, it is considered a breach for a mother to throw her daughter a shower.

Dear Abby: Why, in social situations, do women with long hair feel the need to constantly change their hairstyle from an updo to letting it fall to their shoulders and vice versa? This lets hair and dander fly around. It’s offensive at the dinner table. We have noticed this especially in middle-aged women. Does anyone else find this offensive? My neighbor thinks they are trying to draw attention to themselves. — Hairy Situation In Washington

Dear Hairy Situation: This is a habit I have observed among women of every age. Switching from an updo to down and vice versa could be temperature-related. It may also be a nervous habit.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles,CA 90069 or visit


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