During five years directing the Kiplinger Public Affairs Reporting fellowship program at Ohio State University, I regularly made a point of spicing classroom lectures with examples of life's realities.
We'd occasionally spend the entire hour in deeper conversations about what makes us tick.
My intent was simple: Writing sentences clearly, caring enough to dig for facts and remaining objective and fair certainly provide the fundamentals of professional journalism. How can any 20-year-old excel as a journalist without basic comprehension of the way sharing their brief lifetimes actually works?
In order to separate truth from deception in this troubled world, one (especially a journalist) must have the ability to discern reality. Those who choose this career path should understand the way things actually are rather than misinformed interpretations.
This was the first time for most of them that any instructor (high school or college) had challenged their limited perceptions.
I used many examples, yet one seemed to cause the most bulbs to flicker on in every class. It involved a co-ed I overheard shouting to a classmate across a campus street one afternoon while returning from lunch.
"Hey, I haven't seen you in weeks," she'd lifted her voice above the din. "When do you graduate?"
He shouted back: "I finally get out of here in two more months!"
At this point with each class, I'd pause and explain my view that her response offered a relevant insight into the way human relationships work whenever people communicate.
"So class, what do you believe she said in response to his comment about graduating?" I'd ask.
"That's great?" one student guessed. Another answered, "Congratulations?" A third surmised: "Gosh, you're lucky?" The rest sat in silence.
I wanted to see how their minds worked, while realizing none would answer the question correctly. I certainly wouldn't have at their age where self-absorption and weekend plans took precedence over most aspects of life.
For me this co-ed's response laid bare the psychological basics of what I believe transpires when we share information about ourselves with others.
I'd promise to share the girl's response in a simple sentence that I believe holds the fundamental "secret" to successful relationships in life and career. The only request was they'd retain and utilize the coming information over their lifetime as a remembrance to be helpful to them.
By that point, youthful eyes had brightened. It was obvious each class was eager to received my secret to understanding the realities of spending their existence alongside others.
At this point I'd excuse myself momentarily to visit the water fountain, knowing they'd be fully primed to receive the secret by the time I strolled back in.
"OK, ladies and gentlemen," I'd say on return. "The female student I overheard responded to her friend this way: 'Good grief [name here]! I'm not going to have any friends left on campus anymore!'"
That response was met with puzzled expressions among most of them until I explained the deeper significance.
"Okay, write down these words," I'd say: "To anyone else sharing life with you, they, rather than you, are the most important person."
I'd continue explaining: "Be aware how every conversation you have is being interpreted in just that way. This young lady took the information he shared with her and immediately filtered her thoughts as to how his actions were affecting her rather than him, right?"
She was about to lose one of her few remaining friends on campus, which was the relevant aspect about his graduation.
It's a matter of human nature and predictable to apply incoming information as to how it potentially affects the one receiving it. This applies to everyone.
It also means the wisest among us recognize that with whatever they share, even though it might seem significant to them, is being continually viewed through others' perceptions as to what the information means to their lives.
Examples are plentiful. In announcing your coming vacation to the beach, expect others to recall their last beach experience, or feel envious.
In telling your parents about the three Ds and four Bs you made, expect them to be upset about the hard-earned money they invested in your higher education. If you share an amusing story about your pet, expect others to offer a "topper" about their own pet.
One who grasps the significance of this simple sentence in their workplace and personal life also understands the more they can do to fulfill their employer's expectations and desires above and beyond their own, the more successful they're likely to become.
By understanding this reality, we also are able to see how our actions can create domino effects in the lives of others.
My final class in 1994 was more than 27 years ago. I wonder how many of those students (now in middle age) have since lost the page they used to write my life tip in those college notebooks. I suspect they all have.
Mike Masterson is a longtime Arkansas journalist, was editor of three Arkansas dailies and headed the master's journalism program at Ohio State University. Email him at mmasterson@arkansasonline.com.