Do you struggle with developing new money habits? It could be that you are living a past identity when it comes to money.
Let's start with me and how I identify with money. It seems totally reasonable that the entirety of my adult life be defined, etched in stone, and judged by habits I had as a 12-year-old blowing all my $2 per hour babysitting money on Lisa Frank stickers. Because back then I sure did spend all my money. I spent all my summer earnings in college. Way past college, I spent every dollar I had. Go ahead and tattoo spender to my forehead. I deserve it.
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Did the narrative begin to shift when I started to save money? No. Despite data and evidence to dispute the spender theory, I have known all along the deep dark truth, I am a "natural spender." I must certainly reckon with the predestination that my 12-year-old was dangerously flirting with -- that I am the kind of person who blows all the money I ever make. Save for the grace of automation and brain tricks and marrying a "natural saver" I would most certainly be living paycheck to paycheck.
But what if I don't want to identify as a spender the rest of my life? Do I submit an application for an identity waiver with the savings identity authority? Does anyone have their fax number and appeals process?
Nope, no fax necessary. There is one person who decides my savings identity and that is me. According to organizational psychologist Benjamin Hardy, I didn't need 15 years of data and proof to change that identity. I could have changed it the moment I resolved to save and took action to achieve it. That was the moment I could have identified as a saver.
Let's say you are also defined by your 12-year-old, or heck, 25-year-old self who spent all your money or got into credit card debt up to your eyeballs. Should your path look similar to mine? Spend 15 years with imposter syndrome, careful to not upset the natural order of the universe that destined you to a life of financial mismanagement?
The answer is absolutely no. Repeat after me. "I am a saver." Say that five more times.
Benjamin Hardy does not believe personalities are quite as fixed as we try to make them. Bummer, because I am a sucker for every personality test out there. Go, team Hufflepuff! INFPs unite! But, folks, we gotta be careful because even if we believe in fixed personality traits or tendencies, we also have to understand that humans change. We want to change our minds, our habits, and we might want to change our identities.
One of the unfortunate mistakes adults make is grounding ourselves too much in definitive statements about who we are. Hardy observed that often those definitive statements are of our past selves. How many times have I heard people give me some version of "I am a spender." Some people confound an identity as an artist or creative as de facto bad with money.
Hardy's first piece of advice is to state, own, internalize the identity of your future. Humans are meant to learn, grow wiser, improve. Doesn't it make sense that we would rather put our stake in a future self, not a past one?
OK, so you are with me now. You are a saver. You have said it a bunch of times. You believe it.
Now, Hardy wants you to become this person.
Let's take a break from money for a second --because #stressful-- and talk about where I am applying these steps in changes to my identity.
When I turned 40 last year, I set several milestone goals in my life. One was to be email inbox zero every day (check!) and another was to have a home like friend and interior designer Kelly Steliga. Every time I go to her house, whether dropping in or a planned event, it is beautiful. I take a deep breath when I walk through her door, and at age 40 I decided I wanted to feel the same way every time I walked into my home.
After months of prodding and begging, I convinced her to come over to my house for an assessment. What would it take for me to walk through my door and enter my oasis from all the chaos of the outside world?
I thought maybe this would involve a new kitchen light fixture, patching up the hole in the wall behind the time out chair, and maybe some new picture frames. But no, first we had to create order. Otherwise, the chaos of the outside world would continue to extend into our home. A mess would soon cover any new sofa or distract from the light fixture.
But could we? Let's be real. I am a messy person. Because I am busy of course. I have been busy since I was 10 years old. I don't have time to be neat or orderly.
Kelly, though, pointed out an inconvenient truth. Was this acceptance serving me all that well as a busy person? Dumping a sweater on the chair in the bedroom created twice, or three times, the work. It eventually had to be hung up --but then ironed. The real inconvenience was the clutter that brought the chaos from the outside to the inside.
Changing light fixtures would have been so much easier. Instead, Kelly was asking me to change my identity. After a couple weeks of serious thought I declared to myself, Kelly, my hubby and my kids that I, and by that I meant, we, were neat people.
Now Hardy wants me to make this happen, but to change I had to become neat all the time. Not some of the time. Hardy, in his Ted Talk made the case that it is easier to do something 100% of the time than 98% of the time. The reason is that deciding when to hang up the sweater and when to allow myself to dump it into the chair was an unnecessary, brain-taxing decision. It's actually called decision fatigue! So we have to make one decision at one important point then habitually follow that very decision. Hardy points to the inspiration of Michael Jordan who said, "Once I made a decision, I never thought about it again."
I am a neat person, 100% of the time.
For the habit, Kelly had me do several things to become neat myself. For instance, I never walk through my house without something in my hand to put back, like the glass from the night stand to the kitchen. It's a handy trick to maintain a neat house. If there's nothing to carry there's always a pillow to fluff.
With the kids, I have upped our allowance game. I give them MORE money for the same chores and activities they did before, only this time I can take a quarter every time something of theirs is out of place.
It seems to be working. My kids previously loved to undress with flourish and abundantly sprinkle clothes all over our floors as they spilled into bath time. When that got expensive, the clothes started magically accumulating in the laundry room. The toys started finding their way back to the bedroom closet.
I also bought a Roomba, and it's more glorious than I imagined. It never would have worked in our prior state with all the clutter that would gum it up. Now, it leaves its post at 9 a.m. every day, quietly makes it rounds and a couple hours later leaves behind beautifully vacuumed floors.
This 40-year-old is neat and tidy.
Trust me, if I can become tidy you can become a saver. Make your declaration. Then point your story and behavior toward that goal. What's your 100%? Well, start with retirement. Say to yourself. I will save 10% of everything I make the rest of my life. Then sign up for your company's retirement plan. Or get your plan to pay off your credit card debt and make that first payment.
The ability to reliably drive up into my home, come through the door and breathe in peace is better than I ever imagined it to be. What I didn't anticipate was the added benefit of how rewarding personal change could feel.
If money is your new identity, then make your decision to save. Save 100% of the time. Thank Michael Jordan for the inspiration, and never think about it again.
Sarah Catherine Gutierrez is founder, partner and CEO of Aptus Financial in Little Rock. She is also author of the book "But First, Save 10: The One Simple Money Move That Will Change Your Life," published by Et Alia Press. Contact her at sc@aptusfinancial.com.