OPINION | DEAR ABBY: Gay Man Wishes He Had Straight Male Friends

Dear Abby: I’m a 47-year-old gay man. Why do straight guys not want to be friends? I don’t hit on them and enjoy a lot of the same pastimes like games and cars, etc. I want to be truthful, but when I tell them I’m gay, they disappear.

Sometimes it gets back to me that they thought I was asking them out if I invited someone to go to a ballgame, for example. I have female friends, but what I really want is a male best friend or, just a male friend, period.

Of course, everyone has opinions on what I should do — “join a meeting, a group, social activities and blah blah.” I’ve done those things, and I can’t figure out what’s wrong. I’ve learned to just keep my mouth shut and not invite anyone to do anything.

I have tried everything, including seeing a counselor. — Curious In Oklahoma

Dear Curious: The problem you’re having with straight men may be that they are nervous about being perceived as “gay by association.” Some may also find the concept of being friends with a gay man to be threatening.

Taking part in group activities and outings is certainly a way to connect with others regardless of sexual orientation. Eventually, you’ll meet people and form friendships. In the meantime, appreciate those female friends of yours and ask them for input, too.

Dear Abby: It’s been a rough pandemic for us all. We’ve experienced the fear of disease, job loss and the pressure to react to these stresses in prescribed ways. For us with mental health issues, it’s been a real struggle.

I have a group of friends who have not done well through it all. Previous issues multiplied, and their lives have become pitiable messes. Early on in the pandemic, we attempted to keep up with weekly Zoom hangouts. It helped a little, but because my mental status has always been a bit better than theirs, I was never a focus of support.

As the world has begun to open up, we’ve been able to meet in person, and it’s become obvious that I need to distance myself from them to protect what I’ve worked so hard to maintain. Should I tell them why I can’t be with them? I worry that pointing out the bad things would drag them down further.

These are people I have known for decades, but I don’t have the energy to act as emotional support for them anymore. I’d like to leave them in the best shape I can. — Caring Friend In The East

Dear Caring Friend: Be less available when you are contacted. When you do, your excuse should be truthful. Say you need time to yourself to work on your own mental health issues and therefore will be less available. You do not have to apologize for it, nor should you feel guilty for taking care of yourself.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother,Pauline Phillips.Contact Dear Abby at P.O.Box 69440,Los Angeles,CA 90069 or visit

www.DearAbby.com

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