OPINION | DEAR ABBY: Sparks still flying when couple reconnect

Dear Abby: I reconnected with an old flame, “Ollie,” eight years ago. We would see each other and catch up during a weekly event he hosted. We’re both married with kids, so we only had an emotional connection. We chatted every day and confessed our attraction while still not engaging in anything more than our weekly encounters among friends.

People often assumed we were married. At the time, my own marriage was horrible. My husband was emotionally abusive and even threatened to kill me. We went to couples counseling, and I went to counseling on my own.

In the first five years of reconnecting, Ollie was supportive, accepting and kind. We fell in love. We had one quick hug before I left for the holidays. When I returned, we had an intimate kiss. Then Covid hit and there was no more physical contact. We talk almost daily and we see each other at business functions every few months.

My husband has changed and has apologized for how he treated me. We got along during the quarantine, but I’m no longer attracted to him, nor do I trust him. He doesn’t know about Ollie. I also don’t think Ollie will ever act on his feelings for me. — Confounded In Iowa

Dear Confounded: Go back to your counselor. You have some heavy decisions to make about how you want to live your life. Remove Ollie from the equation and ask yourself if you really want to stay married to someone to whom you are no longer attracted and no longer trust.

Some people are so fearful of the prospect of being alone that they stay in empty or abusive relationships. Figure out whether you have the strength to go it alone, and you will have your answer.

Dear Abby: I live in an 55+ community in Florida. It’s calm and quiet, which is why I moved here. My favorite form of exercise is the pool. However, some neighbors think nothing of playing loud music in the pool area.

I wouldn’t subject anyone to my taste in music in such a public arena, and I can’t understand why they think they can inflict it on other people without asking. I have spoken to them politely and asked that they refrain, but they continue to do exactly as they want. — Desperately Seeking Peace And Quiet

Dear Desperately: Because you’ve spoken to the neighbors with no success, I suggest you bring this to the attention of the manager and the board of directors of your condominium association.

Another solution could be as simple as the music lovers wearing ear buds to enjoy their music without bothering others. However, if that doesn’t solve the problem, you may have to invest in noise-canceling headphones for yourself.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother,Pauline Phillips.Contact Dear Abby at P.O.Box 69440,Los Angeles,CA 90069 or visit

www.DearAbby.com

 

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