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OPINION | DEAR ABBY: Accepting grandma irked by intolerance of others

by Abigail Van Buren | April 14, 2022 at 1:00 a.m.

Dear Abby: My adult granddaughter, “Kaia,” is in a relationship with “Jenny.” Jenny’s stepmom doesn’t believe in gay marriage or homosexuality. Jenny’s family doesn’t allow Kaia in their home. Kaia is excluded from all holidays and family functions.

They are getting married in two months, and Jenny’s family is still shunning her. How do I deal with these “holy rollers” who use the church as a reason to hate my granddaughter? I don’t want to die knowing she’ll have a miserable life ahead of her. — Supportive In California

Dear Supportive: If Jenny’s family are good Christians, they may not dislike Kaia. They may be following a misguided directive to love the “sinner” but hate the “sin.”

I strongly advise Kaia and Jenny discuss the ramifications of the family’s stance before they marry. I’m surprised Jenny attends family gatherings from which Kaia is excluded. If this continues after the marriage, it could damage their relationship. A counselor at the nearest LGBTQ center would be helpful in facilitating this discussion.

Be as supportive to your granddaughter and Jenny as you can so they know you’re always in their corner. Encourage them to cultivate their own “chosen family” as they move into their future.

Dear Abby: My husband, “Jonah,” comes from a large family. They are rude people who live in a small, rural town, and don’t like outsiders. Jonah and I have been together 15 years (married for eight), and I’ve never been invited to the homes of his mother or some of his siblings.

We love to entertain, so they attend our holiday parties. They literally walk in without greeting me, eat all our food, don’t help with the cleanup, and leave without saying goodbye. It’s “pack behavior.” They do it together.

I no longer want to host these events. I feel uncomfortable in my own home. Jonah and I have started cutting back on the number of parties we host, and now they are making rude comments about it. My husband acknowledges that they’re a bunch of miserable, rude people, but that doesn’t help the situation.

I don’t want anything to do with them, and I don’t want to be forced to host a bunch of ungrateful individuals who don’t have the courtesy to speak to me. How can I make Jonah understand how I feel? — Annoyed In New Jersey

Dear Annoyed: If you’ve told your husband what you’ve written in your letter, he does understand, but doesn’t want to acknowledge it. The way his family treats you is deplorable. If you don’t wish to host them, let your husband buy food, prepare it and do the cleanup with no help from them afterward, while you do something alone or with people who you enjoy. He can also visit his relatives without you if he wishes.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother,Pauline Phillips.Contact Dear Abby at P.O.Box 69440,Los Angeles,CA 90069 or visit


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