Dear Abby: I graduated from college with a degree in a niche field. In my graduating class of 7,000, there were only four of us with this specific degree. I now have a career in the field I majored in. I love what I do and take pride in it. The problem is my family. For whatever reason, my parents and siblings don’t seem to want to remember what I do. When people ask them what I’m up to, they come up with vague, dismissive answers.
When they tell me about it later, they seem to think it’s funny. The first few times I could laugh about it too, but this has been going on for years. Their one-sided running gag has grown old. I don’t care that they’re not interested in what I do, but I feel humiliated and hurt when they act so dismissive of it to other people. It happened again a few days ago. A family member intentionally messed up the name of my workplace multiple times (even after I had corrected him) while talking to a volunteer at an event. Although I managed to step in, it’s still weighing on me. I have tried explaining what I do numerous times. It’s not confusing. I have even suggested they use broader alternatives (if they would say I’m an ecologist, I would be thrilled). Nothing has changed. I’m left wondering if this runs deeper than a joke and they don’t actually take me seriously. Do I need to be more blunt? Should I tell them this has crossed the line from funny to hurtful? Or am I blowing this out of proportion? — Hurt In The West
Dear Hurt: You may be putting more energy into this than it deserves. You know the importance of the work you do. Your relatives may be jealous of your accomplishments or so intellectually limited that they can’t remember the word “ecologist.” If you are present when it happens, feel free to correct the mistake, but do it with humor.
Dear Abby: My lifelong friend answers the phone on speaker. Sometimes I’m aware her husband is in the room. Recently, though, we were on speaker phone when she told me she was going to the beauty salon. When the call connected to her vehicle, I assumed she was by herself. We continued a very personal conversation (I was doing the talking) until she got to the salon. That’s when she told me they had arrived! I didn’t realize anyone else was in the car. Am I wrong to be upset that she allowed me to keep talking while her husband listened in? She could have easily switched to a private call. — Mad In Missouri
Dear Mad: You’re not wrong to be upset. I would be, too. If your friend understood that it was a confidential conversation, she should have told you she wasn’t alone. Tell her this made you feel invaded and, if you plan to continue your relationship with her, set some ground rules for future phone conversations.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother,Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440,Los Angeles,CA 90069 or visit
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