Dear Abby: My boyfriend, “Kirk,” and I have been dating for nearly two years and live together. We met during the pandemic, so for the first year, we hung out — just the two of us. Since the world has reopened, I’ve encountered problems now that we’re able to socialize with others.
Kirk often becomes silent and moody when we are around my friends. He’ll often leave early and abruptly without saying goodbye. I find it incredibly rude. We’ve talked about it many times, but it continues. Kirk never acts this way with his friends or family.
He also sometimes becomes irritable and depressed when it’s just the two of us, before or during an outing. Because of this, a number of date nights have ended badly.
As his behavior continues, it makes me more and more angry. Kirk says this is just the way he is and he can’t be happy all the time. Is a relationship worth trying to save if you can’t have fun with each other outside the house? — Mystified In California
Dear Mystified: A relationship doesn’t have to be a laugh a minute to be successful. However, Kirk appears to be an introvert or possibly suffering from social anxiety, which would explain his behavior around your friends. If that’s the case, consider minimizing the amount of time and number of people he’s exposed to. What I find troubling is your statement that he sometimes becomes so terse and irritable, your dates are canceled at the last minute. This indicates (to me) that the romance may be cooling. The way to find out would be simply to ask him.
Dear Abby: My mother’s family are greedy, self-involved, narcissistic alcoholics. My mother “escaped” five years ago when she drank herself to death. My aunt was a second mother to me because Mom wasn’t around much when I was growing up.
Since Mom passed, my aunt acts like she’s all alone and our family wants her around only for what she can do for them. I have never asked her for anything; I just enjoy her company. She is now facing a possible cancer diagnosis and says that since she had no kids and she’s done everything alone, she’ll do this alone too.
How can I get her to realize that while I’m not her child, I’m here for her? I still haven’t gotten over my mom dying, and I couldn’t handle it if she were to pass, too. Then I would have no family left. — Dysfunctional In Kansas
Dear Dysfunctional: Pay your aunt a visit. Find out if that “possible” cancer diagnosis is definite. If it isn’t, thank your higher power. If it is, tell her you love her and are grateful for the love she has shown you when you needed it and that she’s not as alone as she thinks she is. Make clear that you will support her in any way she needs if she will let you. That’s all you can do without being intrusive.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440,Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit
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