Dear Abby: I met my boyfriend online last year. He lives in the U.K.; I’m in the U.S. I love him dearly and we talk about moving in together next year. The original plan was for him to emigrate, since I am closer to my family and have an established job. However, I’m a bit worried because he doesn’t drive. It’s not just because of the learning curve it will take to switch sides of the road, he doesn’t drive in the U.K. either.
I asked him why he doesn’t, and he said he’s worried he will relapse. He was addicted to drugs but has been clean for years. I don’t judge him for his past; I’m proud of who he is now. But I’m worried about driving both of us when we live together because my city doesn’t have the best public transportation. Is there a way to bring up driving in the U.S. without putting him in a bad spot? — Only Driver In The Midwest
Dear Only Driver: Has this person been to the U.S. to visit you before? If he hasn’t, and doesn’t have a job that would prevent it, why not invite him to stay for a few weeks? That way you could decide if providing all of his transportation would be workable in the long term.
Frankly, I don’t see the connection between his former drug habit and his concern about driving an automobile. The two of you need to get to know each other a lot better before either of you decides to uproot your lives and relocate. If your relationship continues to grow, it might make more sense for you to move to the U.K.
Dear Abby: I have been married to my current husband for 14 not-good years. He was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and cardiomyopathy seven years ago and hasn’t had a job since then. We have a daughter who will be 7 soon. I feel he could solve these problems by taking his medication and dieting. However, he insists his medical conditions keep him from working.
He doesn’t take care of our daughter or anything around the house. I take out the trash, wash dishes, give the little one a bath, brush her teeth and hair and take care of all the bills. He makes excuse after excuse. I’ve been the provider for too damn long. Please help. — Tired In California
Dear Tired: You stated that you have been married to this man for 14 “not-good” years. Nowhere in your letter did you mention whether there is any love left between you. Does your husband’s doctor agree that his medical conditions prevent him from working? If the answer is yes, you will then have to decide whether you can live up to your vow regarding “in sickness and in health.” If the answer is no, make an appointment with a family law attorney and inquire about what your responsibilities to him may be should you decide to separate or divorce.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit
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