Dear Abby: During my teenage years, I was repeatedly raped by my brother. The emotional and physical damage has left my life broken. He is now in a long-term relationship. Should I tell his girlfriend about the abuse? When I confronted him about it years ago, he denied it. If you were his girlfriend, wouldn’t you want to know? — Holding A Secret
Dear Holding: Yes, I would want to know. I’ll bet your parents would have also wanted to know. As would your teachers or school counselors, so your brother could have been reported as a sexual predator and stopped. By all means tell the girlfriend, particularly if she has a daughter.
P.S. Please seek counseling with a licensed therapist with expertise in treating victims of sexual abuse. Contact RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) for more guidance, rainn.org.
Dear Abby: I have just been diagnosed with cancer. I doubt that I will live another 10 years. My wife is arguing with me because I want to draw down my 401(k) over the next 10 years so I can enjoy the savings I have accrued. We are talking about a lot of money — expensive cars, a second home, extravagant vacations.
How can I convince her that I deserve this after having worked for 40 years? — Wants To Enjoy Life Now
Dear Wants: I’m sure your diagnosis has been frightening for both you and your wife. She may be worried that if you plow through all the money, there will be nothing left for her after you are gone. Although you are dubious about it, there is also the possibility that you may live 10 more years and beyond. You and your wife should discuss with a financial adviser.
Dear Abby: I work in an office where people occasionally bring in treats to share with co-workers. Usually, we place the goodies in a common area and let others know there’s food available.
One particular co-worker brings in treats and shares them only with her favorite office buddies. She’s not discreet about it either. She struts around the office and makes a big scene delivering her homemade treats to her friends, right in front of the people she has chosen not to include. Should she be confronted and told she’s being rude and inconsiderate? — Missing Out
Dear Missing Out: What your co-worker is doing is rude. This is a lesson in politeness and consideration for others that children learn in grammar school. That said, if there’s no rule in your office against it, I do not advise confronting her. Turnabout is fair play though. Perhaps you should discuss a “delicious” solution with the rest of the unfavored few.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles,CA 90069 or visit