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OPINION | DEAR ABBY: Boyfriend’s bedroom gets a bit crowded on weekends

by Abigail Van Buren | June 16, 2022 at 1:00 a.m.

Dear Abby: My boyfriend, “Paul,” and I have been together for 18 months. We are both divorced and each have two children. Mine are in college. His are in elementary and middle school and stay with him on the weekends.

When they are there, I sleep at my place. Recently, Paul has asked me to stay on the weekends, but he has me sleep on the couch because they sleep with him. A few weeks ago, he said, “I’m going to talk to them about you and me sleeping in bed together and see if they are ok with that.” Since then, I’ve heard nothing, so I continue going to my place at night.

Is it ok for kids to sleep in the same bed with their parent? And is it ok for children to decide if Paul and I share a bed? — Confused In Kansas

Dear Confused: The answers to your questions are “Yes,” and “No.” In some cultures, it’s common for families to share a bed. In our culture, it is less common but not unheard of, particularly with kids much younger than his.

As to your second question, Paul may be uncomfortable raising the subject with his kids, or they may have told him they like the status quo and he hasn’t told you. But they are not the ones who should make that decision. As the adult, that privilege is his. Also, after 18 months, you should be comfortable enough to ask him anything.

Dear Abby: Twenty years ago, I fell out with my siblings and mother. I was in an abusive marriage. They wanted me to leave, but after years of his brainwashing, I was convinced that I was worthless, that only he cared for me and that I would be on the streets without him. My siblings invited me to visit and started browbeating me to leave him. After three nights of six-hour sessions of hearing I was a terrible mother for staying with him, it was a relief to go home to my husband. At least there I expected it.

I haven’t spoken to my family in 20 years. I escaped my marriage five years ago, and my mother and I slowly began rebuilding a relationship over Facebook — I’m in Michigan, and she’s in New York. Three months ago, she passed away.

A sibling unfriended me and my daughter from my mother’s Facebook before they posted she passed away. I heard the news from a friend who was FB friends with my mother. Someone I know is telling me to try to rebuild a relationship with my siblings. — Like An Only Child

Dear Like: That your siblings would unfriend you from your mother’s Facebook page was cruel, unnecessary and shameful. You can reach out to your siblings, but before you do, please talk with a mental health professional or a religious adviser. You’ve suffered much pain and rejection from your husband, and you may encounter more from your siblings, so before you approach them, be prepared.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit


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