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OPINION | DEAR ABBY: Wedding planning leads to showdown over sister’s beau

by Abigail Van Buren | June 17, 2022 at 1:00 a.m.

Dear Abby: I am engaged to be married, and I’m over-the-moon excited. My grown daughter will be my maid of honor, and I had all my bridesmaids picked out. My sister is the issue. Her new boyfriend (she goes through a lot of them) makes my daughter uncomfortable. He has tried repeatedly to add her to his social media accounts, some of which contain disturbing sexual content.

I told my sister that while I want her in the wedding, my daughter comes first, and he won’t be allowed to be around us or to participate. My sister has, predictably, sided with him. She insists I’m unreasonable and that he’s a great guy, although she has known him for only three months. Am I wrong to draw the line? — Bride-To-Be In Texas

Dear Bride-To-Be: You are not wrong; you have your priorities in order. If your daughter intuitively feels your sister’s boyfriend of three months makes her uncomfortable, her feelings should be respected. Stick to your guns and, if necessary, be prepared to replace your sister in the wedding party.

Dear Abby: My son and his wife struggled through the covid-19 pandemic. He lost his job. My wife and I supported them through this period by paying their mortgage and most of their living expenses. He has recently started a good, career-oriented job.

However, his wife recently discovered that he has been secretly spending beyond their means for years on “toys,” and that unbeknownst to her, he has decimated their savings and accumulated substantial debt. When she confronted him, he said he had a “spending addiction.” To top it off, they have a pandemic baby, our granddaughter. We are at our wits’ end. What should we do? — Not Made Of Money

Dear Not Made: What should you do? Stop opening your wallet. The real question is: What is your son going to do about this? If he’s truly addicted to spending beyond his means (people sometimes have been known to attempt to cope with depression by shopping), he needs more help than you can give. If he wants to regain control of his life, he should consider joining Spenders Anonymous (spenders.org) or Debtors Anonymous (debtorsanonymous.org). Both are 12-step programs for individuals who are in the same situation as your son.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit

www.DearAbby.com

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