OPINION | PHILIP MARTIN: Voice of Harold


There is a social media profile a friend of mine and I monitor for fun. It's not the finest thing we do.

The guy behind the profile--I'm going to call him Harold--is someone both of us knew long ago. Years ago he connected with me on Facebook, but I don't think we've had any exchanges. I knew him mostly by his reputation, which was a good one.

Harold's a talented college-educated guy, but he was never lucky enough to achieve the sort of success that he might have taken for his due. A lot of people are like that, because the world is rife with talent but stingy with rewards.

So much comes down to timing--to breaks and connections. I know struggling artists whose work could and probably should hang in museums. I know great singer-songwriters you have probably never heard. There are gifted novelists who will never find their champion.

To quote Kurt Vonnegut, so it goes.

Harold is better off than a lot of them. He makes money with his talent; he can be said to have had a career. He never made the big time--whatever that is--but I'm being very careful not to include too many hints about his identity, because some of you would know his name.

The reason we have been monitoring Harold's social media posts for a few years is not because we appreciate his talent or want to keep up with his fine-looking family or consume the music videos he shares. It's because he's been a great source of entertainment for us.

Harold is an unrepentant, unbowed Donald Trump fan--a true believer who as recently as a few weeks ago expressed his belief that Trump will be reinstated as president of the United States before or soon after the Republicans retake the country after the mid-term elections.

Harold has seen, with his own eyes, evidence of the stolen election. He believes no one needs to look any further than the massive crowds Trump pulls to his campaign rallies to recognize his undiminished popularity among the American people.

Harold is not one of those lukewarm supporters who admit Trump is a flawed man and candidate who ought to tone down some of his self-aggrandizing rhetoric. He will argue that Trump is the God-sent redeemer of the old-time America of his youth, a place where no one locked their doors, or tried to go into a bathroom that didn't match the sex marked down on their birth certificate, and Democrats weren't satanic child molesters but decent (misguided) people who went to church.

In Harold's world, Joe Garagiola never spiked Jackie Robinson, Robert E. Lee opposed slavery, and Andy Griffith was a rock-ribbed Republican both in Mayberry and real life. Mike Lindell is a truth-teller, Sidney Powell and Rudy Giuliani are heroes. The Oath Keepers are patriots. QAnon doesn't exist. Antifa is responsible for the Jan. 6 messiness, which was hardly an insurrection but rather a peaceful demonstration. Bob Barr is Judas.

Melania was--still is--the "classiest" First Lady ever, while Trump is the most selfless person ever to run for, much less serve as POTUS; taking the job caused him to forgo billions in potential revenue and took him away from his exciting and fulfilling life as one of the world's smartest and most successful scratch golfers.

Harold even bought that Trump is the healthiest president we've ever had.

In a way, it's kind of refreshing. Almost every conversation I have with a Republican these days includes them signaling that they never much liked Trump, and that his popularity with the base put them in a difficult position. (I believe them, but do not sympathize. Tom Cotton and John Boozman and French Hill and others failed us when they did not stand up to a would-be fascist. There's no plainer way to say it than that.)

While we're mostly laughing, I'm not going to pretend that sometimes Harold's feed doesn't get a little concerning. He's a big proponent of the Second Amendment and tends to see arming the right people as a kind of social panacea. If it comes down to it, the right people can just shoot the wrong people.

Harold hopes it doesn't come to that, and he's "just sayin'," but nevertheless some of his posts have caused him to be suspended from social media at times. Some have been saddled with notices warning that they may contain misinformation. He hates it when that happens and urges you all to do your own research. But don't trust The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, or even Fox News, because now they're anti-Trump all the time.

Do your own research, but only trust the shadowy sites that are exposing all of the conspiracies.

You can see why Harold's feed amuses us. He's like the Stephen A. Smith of politics and culture, firing off bad hot takes like a sportsman with a bump-stocked AR-15.

The Germans might have a word for the sort of enjoyment we take from reading Harold--it's not exactly schadenfreude, but a complicated and smug feeling I'm not exactly proud of.

I pride myself on not mainlining outrage, of not conditioning myself to receive higher and higher doses of hyperbolic bloviation. We made a huge mistake when we started presenting politics as entertainment, and I understand I am sometimes complicit in the uncoupling of seriousness from statecraft.

There are a lot of clowns in our politics precisely because we have made it a safe space for them--we cheer their nonsense as "authentic" and enjoy their invective, their haplessness, and the inevitable scandals that attach to people of low character and poor quality.

Chuckling at Harold's feed doesn't improve anything. Yet I still check it every day or so.

And so, for the past couple of weeks, I have been worried about Harold. His posts have been much less frequent and less inflammatory. We thought maybe he'd been suspended again, or maybe his wife had taken away his phone.

Then a few posts showed up, innocuous memes about how good pop music used to be. And then a note to let us know that he was sick, and that he had a personal fight ahead of him.

Then a few more silly memes. Corny dad jokes. I felt a little better.

I don't exactly want the old Harold back, but I want him well. I want him happy and alert to the everyday beauty and magic that surrounds us. I don't want to convert him, but sometimes we all forget that none of the stuff they talk about on the cable news shows is as real as a cup of coffee in the morning or the love of someone who has known you and all your BS for years.

It's all noise, brother, designed to separate you from your paycheck. The driving of a wall between us is just a means to that end. I hope you get better soon.

pmartin@adgnewsroom.com


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