Dear Abby: My wife and I play on a pool team. A year ago, the team captain said to my wife, “So, can I play with your lower private area?” (He didn’t use those words.) My wife, who is shy, was shocked.
He has made dumb comments before, and I’ve warned him several times. This time he was dumb enough to invite me outside. I slapped him around. We are both big guys. I’m 6-foot-4, 300 pounds. He’s as tall, maybe a bit lighter.
Now the members of the league here have shunned my wife and me. Was I wrong? Should I have let that guy talk to my wife like that? — Second-Guessing In The South
Dear Second-Guessing: Violence is never the answer. You and your wife should have left as soon as those words were uttered. As for the rest of the league shunning you, I think it’s time you found another league — one with nice people to compete with, rather than animals.
Dear Abby: A friend of mine just passed away. I was visiting with my daughter and I mentioned it. Her response to the news was, “I don’t care. I didn’t know them!” I told her the response was rude.
When they were young, I taught my children to treat others the way you expect them to treat you, and if you don’t have something nice to say, say nothing. When I heard what she said, I felt I had failed to teach her the values my parents taught me.
Maybe, since I’m sad from my loss, I took what she said wrong. How should I approach this with my daughter? — Feeling Like A Failure
Dear Feeling: Your daughter appears to lack a sense of empathy. What she said was unkind and dismissive. She may be self-centered, or was annoyed with you or about something else going on in her life when she said it. You have every right to tell her how her comment affected you at a time when you were vulnerable. Don’t blame yourself for your daughter’s insensitivity. That’s on her.
Dear Abby: I am a loving husband of a wonderful wife of 40-plus years, but I have one issue with her that I can’t understand. If I mention, in a very carefully worded manner, something she does that annoys me, she retaliates by bringing up things from decades in the past about me.
I have corrected my past behaviors, but she seems to use this as a way of “twisting the knife,” knowing it hurts me. I have tried explaining this to her, but she still does it. Do I just ignore her annoying behavior? Is this her defensive way of getting back at me? — Wounded In Colorado
Dear Wounded: Your wife is not getting back at you for anything. What she is doing is avoiding owning up to the fact that something she does annoys you instead of apologizing or correcting it. She is acting as if “the best defense is a strong offense.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit
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