Dear Abby: I love to travel, yet I loathe traveling with my husband. He gets anxious and mean on the days leading up to the trip and especially while en route. I do all the planning and pay for everything, and I regard it as not only ungrateful and rude, but unnecessary. Is it wrong for me to not want him to come on the next big trip I plan?
Also, while we travel, all he wants to do is sleep, eat and drink. I enjoy taking in the local culture and making sure to not miss anything. I also enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, but I don’t drink into oblivion, and I’m definitely not up for sleeping my vacation away. My husband does have a drinking problem as well (a topic for another letter).
Before our last trip, I begged him to not ruin it (our children were with us), and he promised to be on his best behavior. That lasted until the day before we left. Then the mean switch flipped on. Before we left for the airport, all he did was yell and complain about the airline, parking, packing, etc. I’m at my wits’ end. The one time I traveled alone, he told the kids I didn’t like them and that’s why I went alone. He refuses counseling and doesn’t understand why I don’t want to be around him. He also “spares no expense” on my dime when we are on vacation. He acts as if we are loaded. — Unhappy Traveler
Dear Traveler: Traveling is stressful, and some people don’t handle it well. Your alcoholic husband appears to be one of them. If you want to enjoy a trip, consider taking it without him. Include the children, if they are old enough to appreciate the exposure they are being given, and always assure them that you love them without measure. If you leave your husband at home, you and your children may enjoy the experience more than if you drag him along.
Dear Abby: Recently, a friend went out of town to shop and asked if I’d like for them to pick me up a few items. I said I would, and told them what I would like. When they returned, they sent me the calculation of what I owed: purchase price, tax — and gas! This is someone I consider to be a close friend, but charging me for gas for an errand they were already running seems rude and transactional to the point of cheapness. My items were light and didn’t increase fuel requirements. (Had I asked for bricks, I’d be more understanding.) Is my friend cheap for charging for gas? Or am I cheap for balking? — Nickeled And Dimed In Indiana
Dear Nickeled And Dimed: Your friend is cheap. They should not have asked for monetary compensation for a trip they were taking anyway. If you value the relationship, pay the $2 and, the next time you are asked if the person can pick up something for you, say “Thank you, but don’t bother.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit
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