that's life High school graduation dilemmas

I'm stressed out about my son's high school graduation.

First of all, I guess it's because I never had one, so I want his to be perfect.

I skipped my senior year of high school to start college when my parents moved to another town. I'm a college graduate, but my husband thinks it's funny to tell people I'm a high school dropout.

I mailed John's announcements, although he could have. I wanted it done when I wanted it done, and he wasn't around.

After licking and sealing several envelopes, I noticed they were coming open again. "There's either something wrong with the glue on these envelopes or my spit," I told my husband.

He looked in the box and found the bigger envelopes that I was supposed to have put the smaller envelopes in first.

Oops.

By that time, I had found some letter seals I had with a K on them, and I'd snagged a few free Hallmark crown stickers that I used. So they were maybe the tackiest announcements ever sent. OK - what do you expect from a high school dropout?

The whole graduation ceremony can be nerve-wracking. It's supposed to be a somewhat reverent experience with people acting like adults.

At my brother's high school graduation, I was pregnant. It was held outside and hard to hear. My brother was giving a speech, and I remember there was a crying baby behind me.

At my brother's college graduation, I was pregnant, too.

I think we were asked not to whoop and holler and act like rednecks (my word, not theirs) when names were called.

Well, my brother got the top graduate award, and I'm still alittle embarrassed about how I acted. I remember yelling and jumping up and down.

The problem was, I weighed almost 200 pregnant pounds. The ground shook. And I apologize to those who had to suffer through the view of my behind.

For John's graduation, just getting in is stressful. You're luckier than a kid in Willie Wonka if you get a ticket.

Each graduate gets only seven.

So, you have to figure out which relative has to stay home.

In my family, the first person out was easy. John's younger brother. He'd rather be beaten than have to go.

It was like giving him a present to tell him he could stay home.

After my parents, my brother and my husband's dad were counted, that left one spot. Yikes. So we decided David's brother, who has seen John grow up, should go. His wife volunteered to stay home with their four kids. Sweet sister-in-law-to-be took the news well. John's girlfriend is OK with it, too.

Another thing is, you can't save seats at the auditorium where the graduation is being held.

I've heard tell of altercations breaking out over saving seats and the fire department having to turn the water hose on people. (OK, I'm making up that water hose part, but it could happen.)

Getting my dad to go an houror more early will be a trick. A quiet homebody, he likes to slip in places just as things start. I came up with a scheme to pay college students to save the seats, but the problem is, they'd need the tickets, then we wouldn't have tickets.

Or, I could make a life-like dummy to sit in Dad's seat until he came - like Clint Eastwood did in Escape from Alcatraz.

Then again, the graduation ceremony is on TV. Maybe I could scalp the tickets and stay home.

We know we'll have good seats, and we can whoop and holler all we want.