Q. How do you tell if a guy is vegan, atheist, or has never watched Game of Thrones? A. Do nothing. They'll tell you.
-- John Fugelsang via Twitter
Today I've decided to weigh in on the biggest, most mind-invading TV show I never saw.
Game of Thrones, the HBO series that just seemed to get more and more popular and reached the point that anthropologists of the distant future would surely be studying this show and its effects with eye-rolling wonder if the world were to hang around that long, ended May 19 after eight seasons.
Or did it? References to the show and its ending seem more inescapable than all the previous buzz it generated.
Anyway, I did not see it. Yes, this column is written by a woman whose first glimpse whatsoever of Kit Harington, the show's noted Jon Snow character, was (prepare to gasp) that arresting Infiniti Q60 commercial ... which I guess also spoke to the popularity of the show. A woman who became a determined non-watcher after hearing reports of the show's controversial content and scenes, but who did sorta dig those hairstyles rocked by Daenerys, also known as the Mother of Dragons and another big character. A woman who wonders how many hapless beauticians were presented with photos of Daenerys's hair and told, "Here, duplicate this!"
A woman who may be looked upon scornfully by Game of Throne-ites as an out-of-touch oldster who hates all the popular stuff ... or an out-of-touch brokester who doesn't have HBO.
Thing is, those of us who didn't watch a minute of Game of Thrones feel we might as well have, because we were casualties of all the people rendered spellbound by it.
You know, the folk who dressed up in GoT costumes. Had GoT discussions online and such and followed the rivers of ink and galaxies of cyberspace devoted to it. Went to the GoT watch parties. Ordered products such as the GoT makeup brush set (Amazon), the GoT Eyeshadow Palette, (Ulta Beauty), blew $3,000 on the Cask Cartel Premium Spirits' limited-edition Game of Thrones Entire 8 Single Malt Whisky Collection. Bought the T-shirts, the hoodies, the caps. And yes, the action figures.
There was even research based on the show. Scholars set out to see what made it tick. "It turns out that the main reason for the popularity of Game of Thrones is the dialogue between the characters," according to a story posted in 2017 at Sputniknews.com. "Thus, experts 'dethroned' the myth that millions of viewers were attracted to the series due to its abundance of scenes of violence and erotica."
There's also a story at Forbes.com about the tourism sparked by the show. I admit that I also dug the glimpses I saw of its scenery.
But for some of us, especially those of us who find ourselves at a certain time in our life and/or find ourselves dealing with certain physical concerns, Game of Thrones is a phrase we might use to describe our mapping out the locations of the public bathrooms wherever we go ... and determining how fast we can get to one when the need arises.
So, having been a yes, proud nonwatcher, I propose to start a new movement: I Never Watched a Mumblin' Minute of Game of Thrones.
Slate.com offered an article to aid those who decided to view the finale to see what all the hoopla was about -- "Game of Thrones Virgins: What it's like to watch the finale if you've never seen another episode." Well, some of us missed even that episode ... whose big honkin' action by the Mother of Dragons chick I won't mention here, lest somebody get onto me for spoiling it for them more than a week later even though they're supposed to be such big fans that you'd think they'd have gotten the bootleg copy of the dang episode beforehand.
We, the Non-Watchers (that sorta sounds like a GoT ethnic group) are out there. The aforementioned Tweet by John Fugelsang testifies to our feeling of accomplishment at having not laid one eye on the show! We already have influential leaders: Chris O'Neill Yates, national reporter at CBC News, tweets, "Aren't I the lucky one for never having watched a single episode of #GameofThrones ?" Dana Hull, a Bloomberg writer and apparent nonwatcher, marvels in a Tweet that "my cubicle mates have never watched GoT either. It's a GoT-free row."
So, Non-Watchers, unite! Let us rise and take over our own seven kingdoms in response to those fans we all know that still won't shut up about this show!
And let's, ahem, forget that the best marker of the take-over popularity of anything is the presence of a counter-culture!
Hit up Helaine, Mother of Columns, at
hwilliams@arkansasonline.com
Style on 05/26/2019