Critical Mass/Opinion: Alphabetical ode to the one we celebrate

(Arkansas Democrat-Gazette/Carrie Hill)
(Arkansas Democrat-Gazette/Carrie Hill)

A is for Apple,

the American Pie —

Also what you are to your mother's eye.

B is for Bouffant,

the Beehive of lore:

the sunny bop flop flip of Mary Tyler Moore,

or the spun sugar helmet of Zsa-Zsa Gabor.

My mother once wore one

in the days of yore.

C is for Chocolate,

oh, sweet soft-centered kiss!

Black as a Bible or milky with bliss,

smooth as Doris Day's shoulders —

and so hard to resist.

It makes a much better gift than silk underwear

for foundation garments are not made to share.

D is for Daughter,

how mothers start out.

And also for Divorce, Damage and Doubt.

It can be a mean world and bad things occur

sometimes to good people, sometimes even to her.

No matter what happens, some things never change

though families may splinter and be rearranged

and blended and mingled and strewn all about —

Your mother loves you. It's a fact. Check it out.

E is for Eminem,

an artist called Shady

Who alleged that his mother was not a nice lady

F is for Flowers,

what children default to when Mother's Day's nigh and they have no clue

what to buy as a gift for the woman who bore 'em,

who wiped at their bottoms and didn't ignore 'em

when they asked tedious questions beginning with "why"

who warned 'em that sharp sticks could put out an eye

who vetted their playmates and sweethearts and chums —

don't you think she rates more than a handful of mums?

G's for Grandmothers,

whom you may have two or more of —

if so you're lucky; more grannies mean more love.

And more birthday presents and more cherry pies

more trips cross the river, more sad-sweet goodbyes.

H is for Homemaker,

who transforms a house

into a cozy, safe place for children and/or a spouse.

I is for Ichthyosaur,

who lived in the sea

A long time before my mommy had me.

J is for junk,

stashed in the drawer,

Pliers, screwdrivers, stray keys and more:

Odd pieces of hardware, some objet d'art

Expired grocery coupons, a cracked ceramic heart.

K is for Kitchen,

the best room for making

Mom's breakfast or supper or dinner or baking

Coconut cream cakes or cheese-topped blueberry tarts ...

Or reading Discourse on the Method by Rene Descartes.

L is the laundry

that never gets done.

At least not the ironing. It just isn't fun.

M is for Mother,

the point of this poesy

Have you called her this morning?

Have you made plans to go see

her after the shut-down

at her house in the country?

I do hope that you haven't left her alone,

and if you have, would it kill you

to pick up a phone?

N is for Nanny, au pair if you'd rather,

a substitute mommy, with the imprimatur

of your folks. So listen, behave

and please don't be a bother

or you'll risk an unfavorable report to your mother.

O is for Oxygen,

is it still on the air?

It's doing true crime now?

Does anyone care?

P is for Peace,

a dream worth pursuing

Though adults often seem not to know what they're doing.

Q is for Quarantine,

this slough through which we're sloughing,

when the going gets tough

the tough have to keep toughing.

Q also stands for Queen Mother,

an Old World tradition

An antique symbol of moral declension.

She's the mum of some foreign king or queen,

(In this country, our royals descend from the screen).

R is for Rosie,

the queen of Corona

On second thought, I'll leave this one alone-ah

S is for Sister,

stuck-up and snotty

She thinks she knows everything —

(She thinks she's a hottie)

No touching her stuff! It's all so absurd!

You can read her email if

you know her password.

T is for Taboo,

which we try not to break.

For if you break it, you bought it,

And that's a mistake.

U is for Underpants,

ha ha, ho ho, hee hee, snicker giggle ...

I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be silly,

it's rude I suppose

but that word makes me snort milk out my nose!

V is for Vegetables,

which you ought to consume

be they tuber or leaf or stem or legume

It's good to eat greens —

that's not just farm propaganda,

think of the children starving in Uganda.

W is for Wonder,

a thing you can do

when you meet up with something

much bigger than you

Chromosome is the word for both X and Y,

somehow they combine to determine the sex of a baby.

It's science, I guess, but I have to say

I really don't know much about DNA.

Z is the final letter, the ultimate Zed,

the last thing that you grab

when you zonk out in bed.

Z is for also for zucchini, Zoysia, Zoom and zebra —

and don't forget Mr. Zimmerman

who sang, "It's all right, Ma."

Email:

pmartin@adgnewsroom.com

blooddirtangels.com

Style on 05/10/2020

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