Her estranged husband, who once choked her until she passed out, has texted her to say “nobody’s gonna love you like I do,” JJ said.
What she’s learning at Rise House in Conway is how to love herself too much to go back to him.
“If you can’t be happy by yourself, you won’t be happy with a man,” she said — especially not a man who is physically and emotionally abusive.
JJ, not her real name, is finding her independence. Rise, a nonprofit organization, was previously the Women’s Shelter of Central Arkansas. Rise stands for restored confidence, improved relationships, stronger faith and empowering community.
It was one year ago in July that the nonprofit organization changed its name to better reflect what it does, said Breanne Burton, Rise executive director. The nonprofit organization worked for six months with Silverlake Design Studio in Conway to come up with a new name, colors, logo and website, www.risehouseconway.org.
“The mission has not changed,” Burton said.
Rise started in 1995 as a volunteer hotline. In addition to the hotline and a safe place to stay, the program’s services now include counseling, support groups, clothing, transportation, job assistance, rental assistance and legal advocacy.
“The first goal is to provide a safe place” for victims of domestic or family violence, Burton said.
“Taking ‘women’s shelter’ out of the name gave us an opportunity to talk about that we serve women, men and children,” Burton said. “We got away from ‘shelter.’ Even though some people think it has a positive connotation, others think it’s negative. Making Rise House a home for them while they’re there — it feels like a more community concept than the negative connotation of the word ‘shelter.’”
Only a couple of men have been residents since January 2019, when Burton became executive director, she said.
As of a week ago, there were 12 women and four children in the house, which can hold up to 22 people, but there is space for portable cribs.
“We try to stay at 20 people,” she said. “We have what we call family rooms. If we don’t have men here, that room can be used for anybody. That room has its own bathroom, its own shower. If we do have a man with kids, he can have that room. Outside of that, we’re still running as we were before. We’re still 24 hours; we still have the hotline”: (866) 358-2265.
“Through [the hotline], we offer individual counseling, crisis management and safety planning for people who call and aren’t ready for shelter,” Burton said.
The average stay at Rise is 22 days, but Burton said residents can stay longer if they’re making progress and working toward their goals. Although it’s technically an emergency shelter, Burton said, “the sweet spot” seems to be a stay of three to six months.
JJ said she has thrived since she arrived at Rise House several weeks ago.
“When I got here, it was fabulous,” JJ said.
The young woman sat at the end of a table, her long, thick hair pulled up in a bun on top of her head. She wore a tank top and shorts and several pieces of jewelry, including a necklace with a cross pendant. She tapped her perfectly manicured nails on the table at times to make a point.
She laughed and smiled until she started talking about the abuse she’s suffered.
“I’ve been abused my whole life … sexual, every kind of abuse you can think of,” she said, and she stopped smiling, and her eyes filled with tears.
The abuse started with her parents, JJ said, and continued with other relatives and every man she dated, including her husband. She didn’t pay attention to the red flags along the way.
A couple of weeks after she started dating her now husband, “he threw all my stuff out,” she said. “I forgave him.”
He tried to run over her with a vehicle, but she said her lowest point was when he choked her.
“One time he was choking me, and I was fading out. I felt something on my face, and he had slapped me to bring me back,” she said.
JJ said she has flashbacks of her abuse.
“I have scars of, ‘I can’t believe that happened.’ It could have been worse,” she said. “A lot of things led me to self-mutilation and suicide [attempts]. I feel like God led me here; I really do.”
Creating stronger faith is an additional aspect of Rise.
“That can mean a lot of different things for a lot of people,” Burton said. “It can be faith in God or faith in themselves, just to know that they can [leave their abuser].”
JJ said her faith in God has been renewed. She praised the Rise House case manager, Berenice Jungers, “Miss B” to residents, for helping her.
“She loves God, and you can feel the presence of God when you talk to her. It gives me goosebumps,” JJ said.
Jungers, who said she is a domestic-violence survivor, believes faith is an important part of her role at Rise.
“This job is a ministry. [Faith is] very important to me. I don’t push it on them,” she said, but she prays with those who ask.
“I believe [God] put me here. … It takes people who have been broken to help people who are broken, and he helps me to do that,” she said. “Our goal is to help each person who comes to our door rise up from the threat of domestic and sexual violence.”
Jungers said most of the women in Rise House have been in a controlled environment with their abuser.
“The first thing I want to do is introduce them to being independent,” Jungers said. “My abuser didn’t allow me to touch actual money. I had no debit card, no phone, no car … that’s the way most of our girls are.”
Burton said the staff’s goal is to create an atmosphere for residents to thrive — and to leave.
“We’re working hard to help them transition out of the shelter,” she said. ‘We’ve been able to help with funding for relocation, first month’s rent and utility bills.
“Our goal, along with being able to help them pay for that — we set up a savings program. We encourage them to save money while they’re here, while they’re working. We’ve had ladies leave with thousands of dollars. The first year [that I was executive director], it was collectively $18,000 that residents had saved. We’re really proud of that, and we want to grow that.”
Some of the residents have never saved money and don’t believe they can, Burton said.
“Sometimes they’re a little grumpy in the beginning, when they are made to save,” but they eventually see how important it is to achieve financial independence, she said.
Jungers said residents are encouraged to save 70 percent of their earnings.
“It’s really freeing for them to say, ‘Hey, I have a bank account, and it’s in my name only,’” Jungers said.
Jungers also helps the residents apply for public benefits, such as food stamps, enroll in GED classes, write resumes and fill out applications for employment.
“I encourage complete independence,” Jungers said.
JJ said she’s disabled, so she isn’t looking for a job, but she’s helping with household duties at Rise House and working with both a psychiatrist and a counselor to change her pattern of choosing men who abuse her.
“It’s not right to be belittled, to be hit on,” she said. “Everybody deserves to have a smile on their face — not to cover the sadness, but a real smile.”
Burton said residents need confidence to rebuild their lives. Another goal is is to help them improve relationships with family members or their children, all of whom are affected by domestic violence.
JJ said her sons have witnessed her abuse, but she has dreams for a different life for all of them.
“I see a flower shop. I see my boys planting the seeds, selling flowers in a family business,” she said, smiling. “I see my kids growing up to be good men, talking sweet, opening doors — not just a cover, but genuinely good men.”
Her advice to other women or men in abusive situations is to leave and find support.
“If you’re walking on eggshells and you have sadness in your heart from being abused, find you a Miss B; find a place you feel safe,” JJ said. “Just get out of that situation. Break the mold — for your children.”
She said abusers will apologize, but “if you go back, the first three days to a month, they’re already talking to you bad, hitting you. It’s time to break the cycle. Stand up strong and tall.”
Burton said that on average, a person leaves an abuser seven times before leaving for good.
JJ said she’d love to volunteer at Rise House someday, when she’s an independent woman, living without fear.
“I finally found out my worth,” she said.