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OPINION | DEAR ABBY: Parents dampen engaged couple’s plan to live on their own

September 25, 2021 at 1:00 a.m.

Dear Abby: I am a 25-year-old woman. My fiance is 26. Both of us live with our parents but have decided to move out in a few months. Although his parents have given their blessing, my parents are against it and keep trying to change my mind.

Both of us are experiencing tension with our parents and trying to get along as adults. We are tired of my parents not seeing me as an adult capable of making her own decisions. What should I do? I don’t want them getting in the way on move-in day. — Grown Woman In Mississippi

Dear Woman: It’s time for you and your fiance to sit down together with your parents. Tell them you love them, but you are both well into adulthood, and it is time for you to live independently. Then give them the date you plan to move and stick to it. A way to ensure that they won’t get in your way on moving day would be to enlist some friends to help you move.

Dear Abby: Recently, I took my two sons to a cooking class. The instructor, a married woman and mother, was very friendly. She kept telling me I was “beautiful” and how lucky my boys are to have such a beautiful mom. She also kept calling me “my love.” I found it peculiar, but didn’t give it a lot thought. I know some people speak that way. I am more reserved. I save words like “love” for people I truly love (my kids and husband).

However, my husband was upset that I didn’t ask her to stop. He said he felt I disrespected him because I allowed someone else to call me “my love.” Had she been a man, I’d understand his feelings, but I saw no harm in it. Am I wrong for not having spoken up? — War Of Words In New Jersey

Dear W.O.W.: Your husband is overreacting. The woman was not being disrespectful. She went overboard trying to pay you a compliment. All you had to do was smile and say, “Thank you very much, but you are making me uncomfortable. Please. No more.”

Dear Abby: We gave our daughter-in-law a $100 check for her birthday, as she is hard to shop for. That was 11½ months ago. When we went over there the other day, we saw our check stuck to the fridge door. Of course, it is now stale. Her birthday is coming up in two weeks. Any suggestions of what we should do this time? — Means Well In Arizona

Dear Means Well: Point out to your daughter-in-law that you noticed the check you gave her for her last birthday hadn’t been cashed, and ask why. Take your cues from her answer. If she doesn’t need the money, send her a nice card she can plaster onto her refrigerator next to the outdated check.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles,CA 90069 or visit


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