Dear Abby: I am a married man (15 years) with three kids, and I am a recovering alcoholic. My marriage has been a roller coaster of lies, infidelity (my wife’s), abuse and drinking. I am in an alcohol program to save myself, my family and my marriage.
My wife is talking to other men. She says it’s non-sexual. She tells me they are better than I am, that I’m a loser and I’ll lose her and the children.
I still want to save my marriage. I know I have been a poor husband due to drinking, but that is changing. I’m trying to convince her to give me time to prove that I can be a brand-new, sober man. She says it’s too late and that , I pushed her into the arms of others. She no longer loves me and is going to divorce me. She has hired an attorney.
Our children beg her to not divorce me and to let Dad show he is changing. I’m lost, angry, hurt and anxious. I want to save my family and somehow convince her that I’m better. Is the trauma too much to overcome? — Middle Of The Storm
Dear Middle: Although you may desperately want to save your marriage, for your own sake, it’s time to face facts. Your wife has an attorney, plans to leave the marriage and is seeing other people. She’s no longer interested in saving the marriage.
That you are in a program to help you overcome your addiction is laudable, but paramount now is that you do everything you can to heal yourself. It will make you a better father to your children. You may need professional counseling to help you through this painful period so you can map out a better future for you and the kids.
Talk to an attorney for reassurance that your wife cannot take them from you. You already have their love. Let nothing stand in the way of that.
Dear Abby: My husband is addicted to our home security cameras. He, my 19-year-old daughter and I live in a townhouse, in which he has installed no fewer than 20 cameras in and around our home. He’s always looking at them, when I’m on my way out to run errands or to visit my older daughter and even while we are eating dinner. He has started keeping a log of my daughter’s and my activities and what our neighbors are doing. What is wrong with him? — Under A Microscope In California
Dear Under A Microscope: Does your husband have a job or any outside interests besides what you, your daughter and the neighbors are doing? His compulsion may be caused by insecurity, paranoia or a need to control.
Have you asked him why he does this? While it’s not unusual for families to install security systems in their homes, your husband’s obsession is over the top. This isn’t normal behavior, and something may be wrong with him.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit
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