Dear Abby: Five months ago, my relationship of 10 years ended. I discovered my boyfriend had been unfaithful more than once. He didn’t want to fix the relationship, and I couldn’t take more of his emotional abuse.
My biggest hurdle is our children, who are 3 and 6. My ex and I verbally agreed on a 50-50 schedule, so I have gone from being with them every day to half that time, and I hate it. I miss them terribly when they aren’t with me. My anxiety and worry have skyrocketed.
I struggle with worrying if what I am doing is best. Is it best for them to be with their dad half the time when he hasn’t been around much these past two years? I have talked to a lawyer, who said it’s up to me since we were never married. Friends and family have told me to give Dad every other weekend.
It would be easier for me if their dad had only every other weekend. However, this decision isn’t about me. How do I know what is best for my kids? — Mommy Of Two In Minnesota
Dear Mommy: The answer to your question depends on how involved with the children their father is. Does he talk to them, read to them, make sure they are clean, dressed, properly fed and getting enough exercise? Is his home clean and smoke-free? If the answer to any of these questions is no, the kids need to be with the parent who will give them not only the best of care, but love them and let them know it.
To his credit, your ex appears to be stepping up to the plate. And you are right — this isn’t just about you and your own needs. I applaud you for recognizing it.
Dear Abby: A year ago, my landlord asked me to move out of an apartment that I loved. I could no longer afford the rent, so I asked my son if I could live with him. He agreed, and two weeks later I packed up and moved.
At first, it was comfortable, but things started to change when I had emergency open-heart surgery. My granddaughter announced that she was moving in as well and expected her boyfriend to live there, too. My son refused at first but changed his mind. That’s when the constant screaming started.
Her boyfriend has a bad attitude. He bullies me when nobody is at home. Neither one works. They live on my son’s income. I’m running low on patience and strength. I’m 77. All I would like is to get better and have some peace and quiet. What do I do? — Trapped In Florida
Dear Trapped: Because the stress is becoming too much for you, explain to your son what is going on. Then start looking for another living situation within your budget. If it means renting a room rather than an apartment, be prepared to do it. Your health must come first.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit
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