Dear Abby: My boyfriend, “Pete,” and I have been together for four years. During the pandemic, he moved to my hometown, and we live together. Last year, he befriended a man who lives across the street. This neighbor had been a civil-service employee but took early retirement and is being treated for PTSD.
Originally, I was happy for Pete’s friendship, but it has turned into a daily bromance. They spend two to six hours in Pete’s man cave, drinking, smoking and playing bar games. When I join in, the neighbor interrupts me and railroads the conversation. He insults me and is critical about everything from my appearance to the meals I cook.
I defend myself to this man, but Pete remains silent despite my pleas for support. (Pete says he “hates confrontation.”) An example: When Pete didn’t answer his texts, the neighbor would come over, peer through our windows, yell and bang on the door. It took Pete six months to tell him to stop. He also eavesdrops on our conversations, and I will open a door to find him standing there.
Because of all this, I’m having intimacy issues. I never know when this guy will show up and what he will see or hear. I’m angry at Pete for not doing anything. I’m not happy in my own home. I think this man feels threatened by me. He wants Pete all to himself. I don’t know what to do. — Stressed In Texas
Dear Stressed: Your neighbor doesn’t feel threatened by you. You feel threatened by him, and with good reason. He’s trying to commandeer your boyfriend, and it’s affecting your relationship. The man also appears to be unstable. Normal people do not act the way he does. His fixation on Pete is unhealthy. If your submissive partner cannot recognize that on his own, insist on some sessions with a psychotherapist who can explain to him exactly what you are dealing with.
Dear Abby: Is it rude to move the front passenger seat in a car if you are only going to be in it for a short time? My fiance and I have been together for nine years. I don’t own a car. He takes me everywhere, and I have the passenger seat adjusted perfectly.
When his 17-year-old daughter, gets in his car, the first thing she does is move the passenger seat. We are about the same height and weight, and I see no need for her to do it.
My fiance refuses to ask her to stop. I feel she’s being disrespectful. This is causing a lot of arguments and hurt feelings. — Aggravated Passenger
Dear Aggravated: If you value the relationship you have with your fiance of nine years, stop sniping at his daughter and adjust the seat once a month when you enter the car. This isn’t a competition over who he prefers, so stop trying to turn it into one.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit
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