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I drove across the White River to the used-car lot and walked in midday on Bubba McCoy in the trailer office. He frantically lurched from the lumpy, ragged recliner to grab the remote and punch off the television.

"What were you watching--porn?" I asked.

"Sort of," Bubba said. "It was MSNBC."

He said he likes to watch Katy Tur because her utter contempt for Donald Trump is entertaining.

"I call it 'waiting for the F-word'," he said. "Believe me, I know people. It's my business to know people. And that word has been on the tip of her tongue in regard to Trump since 2016, and it's gonna break free any day now."


I told Bubba I'd driven over partly for a general chat but also to ask the politically timely question of whether he'd ever been in blackface.

"I don't think so, with the possible exception of 1982, which I don't remember on account of being drunk," he said.

The whole year?

"Yeah. My first wife had dumped me. I hadn't yet met the right missus. I can remember some things in '81. And I met the right missus in '83.

"But I got nothin' in-between. I've been told things, but I can't vouch for them. There's no criminal record that I've found, at least domestically."

I told Bubba that I was asking only because of the trouble in Virginia, a key swing state the Democrats are totally blowing.

"It's the Democrats' own fault they've got Donald Trump," he said. "They've gotten to where they claim all this politically correct business, but I'm telling you, there's not anybody who hasn't done something in their life that this liberal base today would consider unforgivable. And you are certainly no exception."

I didn't say I was. Don't start with me. I came in peace.

I agreed with Bubba, telling him that The New York Times had an article the other day calling the announced Democratic presidential candidates a "sorry" lot. It was a play on words for the apologies they were finding it necessary to make for having been alive in the past.

Bubba said the only Democrats who seem genuine are Joe Biden, who is too old, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who is too young.

"But I'll tell you what's gonna happen with her. She's gonna get old enough to be president about the time the country gets socialist enough to let her have it.

"Fortunately, I'll be on the big car lot in the sky by then."

I said Bubba's eternal resting place might hinge on what happened in the lost year of 1982.

"I'm countin' on the statute of limitations or the principle of forgiveness. But I'm pretty sure I never said in '82 or any other time that I was a Native American. I mean, seriously. Where do you Democrats get these people?"

I told him I didn't have anything to do with it. I'm no Democrat. I'm a columnist who tells the truth and therefore often resembles a Democrat.

He told me I suffer from the same condition by which Katy Tur mesmerizes him. They call it "Trump Derangement Syndrome."

"All that second-place president stuff you write--you gotta get over that. You've got six more years of this guy. I know Trump's a bad excuse for a person. But the results are decent, and the Democrats aren't gonna beat him with Pocahontases and 80-year-old men and socialists.

"And the Republicans in the Senate aren't gonna convict him. I don't care what he's done or how many times they impeach him.

"You and Katy Tur are both just going to have to reconcile yourselves to the reality that orange is the new normal."

I advised Bubba that he should keep in mind three names--Beto O'Rourke, Sherrod Brown and Amy Klobuchar.

"Beto's got about eight chances in 10 to turn out a flake," he said. "And I never heard of the other two."

That's the genius, I told him. If you've never heard of them, then there's nothing embarrassing that is known about them, although, as I spoke, a story was breaking in Washington that Klobuchar is mean to her staff.

I explained that John Doe would be president if he'd been on the ballot for Democrats instead of Hillary Clinton. The same goes for Jane Doe, let me hasten to add.

"Speaking of that," Bubba said, "I saw that letter in the paper saying you ought to run because you're as clueless as the rest of them."

I told Bubba I'd never been so flattered. I told him I have an obligation to the country to consider it. I suggested that he ought to be my running mate.

"Brummett-McCoy--the B-M America needs," he said. "It might catch on."

I told him maybe we could get booked on Katy Tur.

"Now you're talkin'," he said.

------------v------------

John Brummett, whose column appears regularly in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, is a member of the Arkansas Writers' Hall of Fame. Email him at jbrummett@arkansasonline.com. Read his @johnbrummett Twitter feed.

Editorial on 02/10/2019

Print Headline: JOHN BRUMMETT: Bubba and the missing year

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Comments

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  • GeneralMac
    February 10, 2019 at 9:37 a.m.

    One of John Brummett's better coplumns !

  • GeneralMac
    February 10, 2019 at 9:39 a.m.

    "I said Bubba's eternal resting place might hinge on what happened in the lost year of 1982"

    ..THAT...was funny !

  • Packman
    February 10, 2019 at 10:12 a.m.

    Great column JB. Thanks for the laughs this am.

  • WhododueDiligence
    February 10, 2019 at 11:45 a.m.

    "I'm no Democrat. I'm a columnist who tells the truth and therefore often resembles a Democrat."
    *
    Yes, John, that's the truth. Keep up the good work.
    *
    "You and Katy Tur are both just going to have to reconcile yourselves to the reality that orange is the new normal."
    *
    No, Bubba, in our noisy political zoo, orange is not the new normal. That wouldn't be good.
    Orange is the old orangutan.

  • GeneralMac
    February 10, 2019 at 12:18 p.m.

    " I'm no Democrat"

    I have been subscribing to this newspaper every since I moved here ( 7 years ago ) and read John Brummett's columns.

    You sure had me fooled, John Brummett.

  • Jfish
    February 10, 2019 at 1:50 p.m.

    I guess these columns wouldn't be so funny, if most of what Bubba says wasn't true.

  • BEARTRAP919
    February 10, 2019 at 7:08 p.m.

    As Usual, This is another great article, Always interesting to read these articles, Anyone that tells the Truth will never be mistaken for a Republican, That is so sad to say too. The Once Great Party has taken a hard Right straight to Hell.

  • PopMom
    February 10, 2019 at 8:13 p.m.

    Very Funny. thanks. Don't worry about Virginia going red. The last Republican governor got into trouble with finances and ignored calls for him to resign. 58% of all blacks are against Northam resigning; they think that he's been a good guy for 35 years. Virginians in general are split 47% to 47% on whether Northam should resign, and they seem happy with their new brand of females in Congress who are either tough girl military or prosecutorial types. The last shut down also killed any chances of Virginia going blue.

    We've got to worry about the states of Pennsylvania, Ohio, Florida, Wisconsin, Michigan, Colorado, and Nevada. I think Amy Klobuchar is the gal. My husband likes a Biden/Klobuchar ticket. Who knows if all of the Arkansas Republican state legislators get indicted for bribery, maybe Arkansas will turn back to blue.

  • mozarky2
    February 10, 2019 at 10:24 p.m.

    From the VictoryGirls website, written by Toni Williams:
    How many times have we heard a politician, opinion blatherskite, news reader or random friend say that “so and so leaving” means that there is no longer an adult in the room with President Donald J. Trump. In the last week or so, that has been blown out of the water. We, those of us with common sense, knew it was never true. Dems have proven now that Trump “IS” the adult in the room.

    Nancy Pelosi was proud of how her charges behaved. And, the left says that Nancy is the adult in the room:

    Nancy Pelosi

    Nope. Just nope.

    Michael Goodwin has a lovely column in the New York Post today in which he lays out the Democrats epic implosion. I am struggling here. Is it an implosion or the beautiful karma of being hoist on your own petard? Or, it could be the cosmic smackdown of this decade. Let’s dive in. From the article:

    The evidence begins with Trump’s very good State of the Union speech, where he was alternately conciliatory toward Democrats and ruthless in contrasting his policies with theirs. Reckless in their rhetoric and resistance, Dems make themselves vulnerable to charges that they support open borders, socialism and infanticide.

    And, it was a very good SOTU address. I usually switch to HGTV after fifteen minutes of any President’s SOTU and I stayed for the whole long speech.

    It doesn’t help that a lasting image of the speech was the women-in-white brigade scowling throughout, rising enthusiastically only to celebrate the president’s recognition of them.

    As optics went, that was a disaster of Titanic proportions. Joyless hags sitting on their hands and clapping only for themselves. Their white outfits drawing comparisons to not only the KKK but the National Socialist Women of Nazi Germany. The fan girls went totally squee for AOC’s cape blazer thing, as this Harpers Bizarre (intentional) article shows. It was all a stupid and childish stunt in which the Dems have proven that Trump is the adult in the room.

    Then, there was Virginia. Formerly known as “Virginia is for Lovers”, but now is tagged as “Virginia is for Losers”:

  • mozarky2
    February 10, 2019 at 10:26 p.m.

    The rest of the article:
    Start with Virginia, where the governor, lieutenant governor and attorney general — all Democrats — spent the week ducking calls to resign. Hypocrisy ran wild, with the AG among the first to call for the governor to quit over a blackface scandal, then being forced to admit he was guilty of the same offense as a teenager.

    Meanwhile, the lieutenant governor was rocked by two sexual-assault allegations, with both women publicly identifying themselves and telling their stories.
    Given the left’s casual use of the words “racist” and “rapist” to describe Trump, leftists everywhere felt heat to sacrifice the three Virginia officials, lest they forfeit the right to weaponize those words again.

    For the record, not that it means anything to anybody but me, Trump did not say that he did grab women by their pussies, he said he could. Big difference. Please note. Thank you. People say bragging stuff all the time, men and women, blacks, whites, Asians, Pacific Islanders, gender confused, whatever. Once again, Dems have proven that Trump is the adult in the room.

    Right up there with AOC and her amazing economic ineptitude is New York’s Governor Andrew Cuomo and New York City’s Mayor Bill De Blasio:

    Both the city and state governments have built a financial house of cards and are fast approaching an economic reckoning. Income-tax revenues are falling off a cliff, while hiring and spending continue to climb.
    City spending has soared by some 25 percent since 2014, including a planned $3 billion hike this year — even as income-tax collections are declining by nearly $1 billion.
    The state projects its income-tax collections will decline by $2.3 billion, or about 4 percent, just as politicians begin their annual budget binge. Already the state plans to spend $176 billion, an increase of nearly 4 percent.

    Trump has a different style that doesn’t fit well in the white gloved, pearl wearing, blue noses we’ve spawned in the USA. I get that. But, Trump all day, every day and twice on Sunday, thank you very much. As opposed to the hypocritical, economics incompetent, national socialist, open border nimrod Democrats who have proven that Trump is the adult in the room.

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