MONEY MATTERS

LITTLE ROCK — DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD:

I recently asked a good friend to sponsor me in a charity run. “Megan” knows how much this charity means to me and how hard I’ve been training for the event, but she still said no. I get it that some people don’t like to be asked to contribute to others’ charities. But shouldn’t good friends make exceptions for each other?

• Erin

DEAR ERIN:

Make that most people don’t like to be asked to contribute to the charities of others. And there’s nothing wrong with that - nothing wrong with preferring to give their charity dollars to the causes that matter most to them, rather than the ones favored by their friends and neighbors.

Since Megan is your close friend, it was fine to ask her for a donation. But you have no reason to take offense because she said no. Accept your friend’s decision with good grace - and hope it means she won’t be hitting you up to support her favorite charity anytime soon.

DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD:

Our son “Alex” is no longer able to work as a lawyer because he committed a white collar felony, and his wife can’t work because they have small children at home. This means they have no regular income, no benefits and a big mortgage. They get by because Alex has been fixing and flipping houses. My husband and I supply the capital, Alex supplies most of the labor and we split the profits. Unfortunately, it’s getting hard to find houses that will yield a profit these days, plus we’re getting too old for this kind of project. We’d be happy to simply provide Alex with financial assistance instead. But he refuses to accept any help he feels he hasn’t earned. What can we do? We’re worried about our grandchildren.

• Sharon

DEAR SHARON:

There are plenty of people who aren’t lawyers who nevertheless have regular jobs, regular incomes, health insurance and manageable mortgages. Our point: As worried as you are about your grandchildren - and as big a setback as Alex has had - it’s time for you and your husband to cut the umbilical cord and start encouraging your son and his wife to provide for themselves. And from what you’ve said, that’s exactly what your son wants to do. Good for him.

Of course, if Alex asks for a loan, you should help him out. And you can give - as gifts - some of the more expensive things your grandchildren need. But also give Alex and his wife a chance to do what they need to do: Finda way to support themselves that isn’t dependent on you.

DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD:

Isn’t it wrong for the owner of a business to ask for a tip? Recently, I had a landscaper do some work on my yard. When he was finished, he gave me his bill, then asked for a substantial gratuity. I thought he was kidding, but he wasn’t. I gave him the extra money, but I’m not happy about it. Since he owns the business and set the price I paid, should he really have asked for that tip?

• Confused, Little Rock

DEAR CONFUSED:

So, what kind of a bonus does he expect for Christmas?

Seriously, your landscaper’s request was completely out of line. In asking for a tip, he was, in effect, jacking up his price after having told you the fee for his services. That’s not right. If you hire this guy again, ask him to quote you a price in advance, then tell him that, as far as you’re concerned, when you’ve paid him that amount, you’ll have paid him in full.

Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check? Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends. (Free Press, 2008). E-mail them at

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