LITTLE ROCK — Not all the gifts are under the tree, and not all of them look like presents.
First gift: Thanks to the sheer busyness of my job, the days since my youngest went to college have passed quickly. There hasn’t been time to think about what was, or what I miss so much. Plus, challenges at work constantly push me to grow. For the busyness, and for the growth, I’m grateful.
Of course, there’s a notso-good side to intense busyness. Lately my family’s asked me to slow down, but that’s a struggle. To me, a slow week is a long week. The time will come when I don’t need this distraction and won’t have the energy to sustain it. But for now, with my children immersed in their own lives and my husband equally busy with his work, slowing down has little appeal.
Instead, the busyness is forcing me to see lessons to learn: how to manage my time better, say “no” more effectively, avoid the time-wasting of multitasking and focus better. Apparently, after all these years of working, I’m still a work in progress.
Second gift: The older you get, the faster the days go and the more precious they are. Time with my husband at the farm is the most precious time of all. When we get there, I don’t want shadows from the week or residue from unresolved issues to intrude.
This past year, a few lessons kept showing up. Difficult people, old insecurities that hold me back, other people’s stereotypes. This is when impatience is a virtue, because when the same lesson shows up over and over again, I’ll throw everything at it to get past it. Mentoring, prayer, counseling, energy work, meditation tapes, focused learning, classes — you name it. Whichever spiritual, therapeutic or educational options are relevant to that issue and affordable will be used.
Time may move faster, but so can we, if we’re willing to grow and change to get better, stronger and smarter.
Third gift: Letting go. Through the years, our family’s had a lot of happy Christmases and many beautiful Christmas trees. This is a tradition inspired by my mother’s unusual and timeconsuming way of decorating her artificial tree. I’ve carried on that tradition all these years since she died. That means each Christmas we spend a day simply setting up the tree and putting on the lights and beads. It takes a full second day to put on the hundreds of ornaments. Once it’s complete, though, it’s a wondrous sight.
Late in my mother’s life, she suddenly abandoned all her beautiful decorations and planned Christmas away from home. Reluctantly, we went along, never fully understanding why the change happened. Last year, my tree barely got up and the ornaments never got on. It was just too much work. This year, I dreaded the whole thing, and that’s when it hit me. All these years later, I finally understood why my mother gave up and took us all out of town for Christmas: If she couldn’t do it perfectly, she didn’t want to do it at all.
The day our family history of Christmas perfectionism became clear, we bought a brand new, prelit Christmas tree. No, it’s not as pretty as our old tree, nor will it be as extraordinary and unique, but it’s already up. Christmas is only about one perfect thing — Love Incarnate. All else, all human frailties and failings, are ours to accept, to forgive, to grow past and move beyond. This year, my mother is teaching me to let go of perfection, and to be happier, calmer and a whole lot more merry.
To those for whom Christmas is lonely or filled with disappointment, I wish you peace, hope and the courage to find someone to talk to. To those for whom Christmas is filled with memories of loved ones no longer here, I wish you comfort and strength. To those who give me the gift of your time by reading this column, I thank you. And to all of you, friends I know and friends I don’t, Happy Christmas from my family to yours.
Write to Jennifer Hansen at Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, P.O. Box 7, Springdale, Ark. 72765. Email her at:
jhansen@arkansasonline.com
Family, Pages 37 on 12/19/2012