MONEY MANNERS

LITTLE ROCK — DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD:

When I lost my job two years ago, my wife and I could no longer afford the home we were renting. So my sister and her husband suggested that our two families rent one large house together, which we’ve done. We allocate the rent on the basis of the number of bedrooms each family uses, and we split the house expenses, like the utility and cable bills, 50/50. When this arrangement began, they had three children living with them and we had one, and everything was fine. But recently my brother-in-law’s two teenage daughters from a previous marriage have moved in. I think it’s no longer fair for the two families to evenly split the bills that go up with usage - bills like water, gas and electricity. Don’t you think we should divide theseexpenses based on the size of each family, now that there’s seven of them and only three of us? My brother-in-law sees no reason to.

• Chris

DEAR CHRIS:

Your brother-in-law must be blind. Of course there’s a reason to. It’s called fairness.

But there’s also a reason not to. It’s called trouble. Suppose, for instance, that you and your wife prefer to keep the house warmer than your sister and brother-in-law do, but they accommodate you on the heat. In that case, your family of three would be responsible for a greater share of the heating bill than their family of seven.

Our point is, once you toss out the 50/50 model and try to establish a fairer way to divide the usage-based expenses, there’s no end to the list of things that reasonably could be taken into account.So, do you really want to argue with your brother-in-law about who takes the longest showers, forgets to turn off the lights or is quickest to crank up the air conditioner?

Please understand, we’re on your side. Dividing the utility bills on a per-person basis obviously is fairer than dividing them per family, all other things being equal. But all other things are rarely equal, and you risk opening Pandora’s box if you insist on assessing the ways in which they’re not.

DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD:

A while back, an old friend bought my motorcycle for $5,000. “Josh” gave me $1,000 in cash at the time and promised to pay off the balance at the rate of $100 a month. He made the first 10 payments but then stopped, explaining that he was having trouble paying his mortgage. That was abouta year ago. Recently Josh lost his home to foreclosure, but not before he sold my bike to try to raise enough money to save the house. Now he seems to believe that he doesn’t owe me the balance due for the motorcycle - that somehow his debt to me was, like his mortgage, wiped out whenthe bank took the house. What can I do about this?

• Alex

DEAR ALEX:

You’re a more understanding person than we are, sir, if, after he has walked away from his obligation to pay for the motorcycle he bought from you, you consider Josh an old friend andnot a former friend.

But since you are friends, try having a heart-to-heart talk with him. Explain that no one foreclosed on the motorcycle and that his debt to you remains, even though he chose to sell the bike. Of course, express your sympathy for his losing his home. That Josh deserves. But he doesn’t deserve a pass on the $3,000 he still owes you. So be direct and ask him to resume making payments.

And if he refuses? Assuming you don’t want to take your buddy to court, all that’s left is to ask your accountant how to write off a bad debt.

Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check? Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends. (Free Press, 2008). E-mail them at

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