MONEY MANNERS

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: Don’t people who are being treated to a meal have an obligation to eat what they order? Whenever my husband and I take my son and daughter in-law out, “Claire” eats less than half of each dish (and, by the way, never takes home what she hasn’t eaten). It’s not as if Claire’s dieting. She just seems to want to try one of everything. Shouldn’t she finish the meal that she ordered and we’re paying for?

• Mary C.

DEAR MARY C.: First of all, good hosts should want their guests to order and eat whatever they like. But that said, a good guest doesn’t run up the tab by ordering twice as much food as she’s planning to eat, especially systematically. So while fear of the obesity police keeps us from agreeing with you that Claire should eat more, we certainly think she could stand to order less when you’re picking up the tab.

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: Four of us took our buddy “Jose” out for a bachelor party. “Pablo” organized the event and paid for the limo, and the other three of us reimbursed him. About a month later, I needed to rent a limo for another party, so I called the company Pablo had used. When I asked about their prices, I learned that they charge $80 less than Pablo said he’d paid. I had them look up the actual rental, and there’s no doubt about it: Pablo ripped us off. What should I do?

• Hector

DEAR HECTOR: Sounds like Pablo has taken the concept of a “convenience fee” to a whole new level.

Kidding aside, making accusations rarely helps in this situation. So just pleasantly tell your friend that, in booking a limo yourself, you discovered what they cost to rent, and you realize that he must have made a mistake at the bachelor party. Preferably, do this in front of at least one or two of the other guys he overcharged, and finish by telling Pablo, matter-of-factly, that he owes each of you 20 bucks. With any luck, he’ll accept the face-saving, musta-made-a-mistake excuse you’ve offered him and refund your money.

And who knows? Maybe Pablo did make a mistake. Whatever the case, be sure that someone else rents the limo the next time one of your buddies is getting married.

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: Do we have to tell our two children that we’re leaving a significant portion of our estate to charity? We saw to it that they got college educations and we helped each one buy a house. We were very happy to do these and lots of other things for them. But now that they have good jobs and are well established in life, we’d like most of our money to go to those who are less fortunate. While our boys aren’t greedy, this would be a complete surprise to them, and we’re not sure how they’d react. Must we tell them?

• J. and E.

DEAR J. AND E.: If your sons have reason to imagine that your deaths, whenever they occur, will meaningfully improve their finances, then you need to let them know if they’re mistaken. Of course, you have every right to leave your estate to whomever you choose. But you don’t want your sons to be planning for the future under the misapprehension that somewhere down the road a windfall will be coming their way.

Plus there’s the fact that your children probably will be looking after you as you get older. It would be a betrayal of their trust to accept their attention and care while allowing them to mistakenly assume they’re your principal beneficiaries. Better to get your plan on the table now than to have your sons feeling deceived and resentful after you die. You’ve done a lot for them, and you deserve to be better remembered.

Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?

Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends (Free Press, 2008). Email them at Questions@MoneyManners.net