Politics, especially in an election year, remind me an awful lot of conspiracy theories. Full of dystopian visions and disinformation, many of the ads we're seeing now (even on our computers ... we just can't escape!) are hard for cynics like me to take seriously.
I firmly believe in hoping for the best and preparing for the worst, but so many of the absolute worst-case-scenario stories floating around strain the bounds of logic and reality. Plus, I just can't rock the tinfoil hat.
Yes, there are and have been actual conspiracies out there (Watergate, anyone?), but few match the outrageousness of many of the alarmist theories that went viral long before Al Gore invented the Internet (you knew he did that, right?). Shape-shifting alien lizards taking over the world? Sure! Nazis using fluoride to pacify Jews in the ghetto? OK, fine. The U.S. government assassinating counter-culture entertainers? Uhhhh ... OK ...
An especially rabid conspiracy theorist can see connections between completely unrelated things and construct an amazingly intricate story that, if it were just a tiny bit more outlandish, could possibly land him a multimillion-dollar movie deal. Of course, any failure of said movie at the box office would be the result of a massive conspiracy, most likely engineered by the guv'mint (dang feds!).
A year ago, Public Policy Polling surveyed 790 registered voters on various conspiracy theories, and found that Republicans were more likely than other partisans to believe theories such as Barack Obama plotting to take away guns, Muslims implementing Sharia law in the U.S., or the government allowing aliens (the extraterrestrial sort, in this instance) to take over. Even though only one of the theories (the belief that with enough money one could get away with murder) pulled in a majority of survey participants as believers, the partisan breakdown was striking on most of the government-related questions. But then, that's probably because of that vast left-wing conspiracy (dang lefties!).
What many of these theories have in common--besides a lot of paranoia and dystopia--are a lot of participants and years (sometimes centuries) of secrecy. However, as Laura Maguire of Philosophy Talk observed, "if the purported conspiracy is wide-reaching and involves many people over many years, and if no good evidence has ever come to light about it, chances are it's probably not true."
I'm inclined to agree ... unless that conspiracy has been so effective that it's completely blocked all reliable evidence. That could happen, right? Especially those government-led conspiracies, since government is nothing if not effective.
I've despaired over the years that I've been unable to construct an unbelievably believable conspiracy theory--I just can't get that balance of lunacy, anger and truthiness right. Based on what I've seen lately, though, I'm starting to believe that the theory itself isn't the key--it's the urgency behind the message. Therefore, I've decided that any time I have a theory about the government or why Paul was barefoot on the Abbey Road album cover, I'll implement these handy-dandy tips.
• Put random words in ALL CAPS (but not the whole text ... that'd be crazy) so THAT people know just HOW important this really IS.
• Use lots(!!!!!!!!) of exclamation points because we know all reliable theorists indicate the veracity of their statements by how much exclamatory punctuation they use!!!!!!!!!!
• Blame Obama, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney or Eric Holder, not because of any actual evidence, but based purely on partisan alliances, the less proof the better. The GOP campaign theme this election, for example, seems to be all Obama, all the time. They'd save money if they just made one 30-second ad featuring an evil-looking Obama and his name intoned over ominous music.
• Invoke the UN, Agenda 21, New World Order, Nazis, communists and gun control either singly or all together. Bonus points for working in the moon landing.
• Employ quotes from the founding fathers, though they don't have to be real. Just make something up; nobody checks those things. And might as well make up voting records for candidates, too; no one checks those either (because obviously the clerks who record the votes are in on the conspiracy).
• Cite studies that have been debunked, including by the original author. Someone's obviously trying to cover up something.
• Claim persecution any time someone brings up things like "facts." What's that? Obviously a conspiracy.
Could it work? Eh, doesn't really matter ... I'll say it did, and that's all that matters; seems to be what all these guys do.
On a personal note, many thanks to those who've expressed condolences to my family and me after the death of my nephew. The outpouring of well wishes has been both touching and humbling, and we appreciate the positive thoughts more than you can possibly know. I wish I could hug each one of you.
In addition to letting those you love know you love them, I would also encourage support of such groups as the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. The reasons people commit suicide are varied, but concern and support from a friend or family member can make a difference for someone considering that step.
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Assistant Editor Brenda Looper is editor of the Voices page. Read her blog at blooper0223.wordpress.com.
Editorial on 10/15/2014