Every year there is a cliche pop culture Halloween costume.
In 2007, it was Paris Hilton in prison. In 2008, it was Sarah Palin. In 2009, it was Kate Gosselin and company. In 2010, Jersey Shore-style Bumpits and bogus tans were The Situation. In 2011, tiger's-blood-swilling high priest Vatican warlock assassins were "Winning!" thanks to Charlie Sheen. In 2012 we "redneckognized" a lot of Halloweeners going as the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo bunch. Last year lots of trick-or-treaters were getting their ducks in a row to be the camouflage-clad, bushy-bearded good ol' boys of A&E's Duck Dynasty.
And this year we predict the hot costume will be Frozen. Perfectly acceptable for the kiddos. But for the mom-age set trying to squeeze into sexy, skimpy Elsa costumes, we have this to say: "Let it go! Let it goooo!"
We at Spin Cycle think we can do better. Oh, wait, Halloween is on a Friday? We think we'll be watching Shark Tank. But we think you can do better.
Here are some other ideas:
What you need: Hair extensions. Bankruptcy filings in your $2,400 Valentino handbag. Handcuffs. A few tables to flip over.
Who you are: Teresa Giudice of Real Housewives of New Jersey, sentenced to a 15-month prison term after pleading guilty to numerous federal fraud charges. Them's the treats for those tricks.
What you need: A crown. A sash. Sequins. A red Solo cup.
Who you are: Miss America Kira Kazantsev, who turned tapping on a drinking cup into a "talent." (Extra credit: Heckling people at your party. It has since been learned Kazantsev is no Miss Congeniality, having been kicked out of her college sorority for hazing. So much for world peace.)
What you need: Someone to wear a blond wig and sip almond milk. Another to wear leather and carry a guitar. Stand on opposite sides of the room.
Who you are: The consciously uncoupled Gwynyth Paltrow and Chris Martin. (Extra credit: A Jennifer Lawrence character to smooch on Martin and make almond milk shoot out Paltrow's nose.)
What you need: Your daughters' borrowed designer clothes that are too young for you, covered by an apron.
Who you are: Kardashian klan "mom-ager" Kris Jenner, who has just released a kookbook: In the Kitchen With Kris: A Kollection of Kardashian-Jenner Family Favorites. Each recipe, from Khloe's Buttermilk Fried Chicken to Kim's Super Cheesy Macaroni and Cheese, is guaranteed to make one's booty huge.
What you need: A goofy hat.
Who you are: Multiplatinum singer-songwriter-producer-TV-star Pharrell Williams. Or Smokey the Bear. Or the Arby's logo.
What you need: A mullet wig. A big, bulky video camera. Multiple women and a 16-year-old girl.
Who you are: Super Creepy Rob Lowe, late 1980s edition (long before his 2014 DirecTV campaign).
What you need: Feline ears. Fur coat. A sour expression.
Who you are: Grumpy Cat. Trivia: What's Grumpy Cat's favorite candy? Warheads. His least favorite candy? Chuckles.
What you need: A third breast. And a custom bikini (a tri-kini?).
Who you are: Alisha Hessler, better known as Jasmine Tridevil, who claimed to have spent $20,000 to have a third bosom surgically attached to her chest to get an MTV show. It was a hoax. And besides, MTV already had a show called The Hills.
Stay abreast, email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture.
Style on 10/26/2014