We have to guess that a lot of parents were smoking indica and sativa last year.
Because why else would couples actually name their babies Indica (26 girls) and Sativa (14 girls)?
For those of us wearing a Halo (22 boys), indica and sativa are apparently two different species of marijuana. Wouldn't good 'ol Mary Jane or Herb suffice as an Alias (28 boys)? Is that not Couture (eight girls) enough?
Aren't burnout names kind of Harsh (18 boys) for children, even if you find the stuff to be an Awesome (eight boys) Remedy (27 girls) for whatever ails you? Why Gamble (five boys) on your child's well-being and Kindle (15 girls) negative connotations in that way?
Wouldn't such junkie names cast a Zeppelin-size (42 boys, 11 girls) shadow on your child and Eliminate (five girls) all chances of him or her ever becoming a Boss (12 boys)? Wouldn't it pretty much guarantee they'd become burnouts destined to live in a Shanty (six girls) town?
All of the capitalized words above are first names that parents have assigned to their tots, according to the website Nameberry.com. Writer Pamela Redmond Satran combed the extended Social Security list for 2014 and compiled a "Words You Won't Believe Have Been Turned Into Baby Names" gallery. We go in a bit more detail with each:
Indica/sativa: We're completely out of our goody-goody league here, but "weed" still recommend these over other nicknames for grass, like chronic, dope and wacky tobaccy.
Halo: It seems an angelic name, until Nameberry points out, "We suspect that most of the parents who chose to name their 22 baby boys Halo were inspired by the violent video game." Still, it's a better gory-game-turned-name than Hatred.
Alias: Can't you just see how the who's-on-first-conversations will go: "What's your name, son?" "Alias." "No, your name." "I said, it's Alias." "I didn't ask for your alias, I asked for your name!"
Couture: Anyone who names their babies after high-end fashion deserves the high-maintenance wardrobe bills they'll incur. Good luck getting Couture to consider the clearance rack.
Harsh: Harsh will be the bullying directed toward a boy named Harsh.
Awesome: Good luck trying to instill humility in a child who answers, "And just who do you think you are?" with "I'm Awesome!"
Remedy: Here's hoping being named for treatment might encourage med school ambitions.
Gamble: Bet on this: A child called Gamble will never find a key chain or magnet personalized with that name.
Kindle: In the parents' defense, a child named after an e-reader likely will be literate. (Unlike the parents who apparently spelled Kendall wrong.)
Zeppelin: Just what every girl wants to grow up to be. A big ol' blimp.
Eliminate: If you must name your child after a verb to remove waste, we can't help but think "Recycle" would be a definite upcycle.
Boss: Later in life when you brag to your friends that your child is the "Boss," you won't be lying.
Shanty: Are there any joys that await a girl named for small, crudely built dwelling? Besides cheap homeowners insurance?
It would be Awesome if you'd email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock's KURB-FM, B98.5 (b98.com) from 5:30-9 a.m. Monday through Friday.
Style on 08/23/2015