Aunt Beth got married before me. Of course she did. She was two years older than me.
I was born to her oldest sister exactly two days after her second birthday, and we always competed for attention from her sisters, including my very own mother, and my aunts (her two other sisters), and my uncles (her four brothers), as well as from my grandparents, which, of course, were her parents.
Our competition wasn't ever exactly friendly, except for the time she agreed to take me on her date. I forgave her long ago for the fit she pitched when Mama Dean made her find a date for me before allowing her to go.
How was she to know I had never been on a date? I certainly didn't tell her! Thinking I'd just play it cool, I climbed into the back seat of her date's car and was feeling pretty good, until that little pimple-faced boy her date had fixed me up with tried to kiss me. I slapped him!
He cried, and Beth turned around, looked into the back seat, and screamed to her date, "Just take us home! Right now!"
As time marched on, and I gained a bit of experience, I was invited to participate in Beth's wedding. I had never even been to a wedding either. But, I really wanted to be in Beth's.
I had just graduated from high school and had my first job, so I splurged and bought a really pretty light blue, form-fitting dress with a little jacket, size nine, or maybe an 11, at The Ideal Shoppe, and was all set to steal the scene. (The bride wore at least a size 12, probably a 14.)
At the time, Mother and Daddy lived way out in the country, and we all had to ride to town in a pickup truck. I casually put my new dress, still in its box, in the back of the truck to make room for us: Daddy, Mother, me, two younger sisters, and our little brother.
There we were, flying down Highway 65 South, several miles out of Pine Bluff at a breakneck speed trying to get to the church on time, when I glanced back to see if my dress was riding okay. Of course not! My pretty new dress was hanging on the back of the truck!
I screamed, "Stop!"
Daddy skidded to a halt. I jumped out and grabbed the little wet jacket from the ditch, while he unhooked my dress from the tailgate.
"What in the world will we do?" cried Mother.
Daddy said, "Don't cry, Honey. It'll be okay. I have a friend in town who owns a dry-cleaning shop. We'll just run it by the cleaners and get it fixed right up."
He was even willing to bet his friend could get tractor grease out of the front of my dress.
Dropping us off at my grandparents' house, Daddy headed to the cleaners. Mother, Jane, Brenda, Steve and I went inside, and, it's hard to explain, but I started laughing. Like it was funny, my dress was ruined and I was about to mess up Beth's wedding plans.
I swear I couldn't help it! I knew it wasn't funny to Beth, but thought surely she could see a little humor in the situation.
Instead, Beth screamed, "Well, shut up! I don't see one thing funny for you to be laughing about! You're just trying to ruin everything!"
Then she got all dressed up in a white suit with a big orchid on her shoulder and her beautiful natural curly black hair sticking out from under a cute little white hat with a tiny veil, while I stood there in my slip waiting for Daddy to bring my dress.
Soon she gave me another dirty look and said, "I'm going on. You can just come when you get ready."
I stood there, envious as always, trying to not let my jealousy show. Actually, I had my doubts if I'd show up at the church on time, or any time, and began to wonder who would light the candles. Surely someone would light them before the ceremony began.
I was beginning to get really worried when Daddy rushed through the back door with the dress. I slipped into it and we went really fast, arriving at Olive Street Baptist Church just minutes before time to light the candles.
Nobody seemed to notice the light spots on the front of my dress, but I don't think Beth ever forgave me for causing panic on her wedding day. Anyway, I waltzed down the aisle in my little blue dress, lit the candles, and enjoyed the occasion very much.
Our family turns out in full on birthdays, and at weddings, and funerals. All of Mother's family, as well as Daddy's five sisters and their families filled the church.
I think some of my cousins actually enjoy funeral visitations. They probably relate them to wedding receptions, birthday parties, or perhaps it's just because we all love family get-togethers.
The last family funeral I attended was Aunt Beth's. I miss her very much, but I know she wouldn't have it any other way.
She just had to get to heaven before me!
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Freelance writer Patsy Pipkin is the author of three collections of her columns and lives in Searcy.
Editorial on 09/05/2015