With apologies to Walter Winchell
Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. North and South Arkansas and all the boats on Lake Maumelle ... Let's go to press!
First some old news: Donald Trump continues to defeat himself in this year's presidential race and Hillary Clinton continues to dissemble on her way to becoming the first (hold your applause) security risk to occupy the Oval Office.
In the face of all evidence to the contrary, The Hon. Barack Obama denies that he ransomed four Americans who had been jailed in Iran. The president may know that, but do the Iranians? Or any other terrorist regime tempted to seize Americans for cash? In this case for $400 million stacked on pallets and delivered by an unmarked American aircraft. Which will enable the mullahs to finance still more terrorist attacks worldwide. The president says the deal was no secret but, if so, why handle it like one? And if this was a victory for American diplomacy, what would be a defeat?
At a time when Voter ID laws and other ways to prevent fraudulent elections are being challenged across the country, an alderman in Beebe, Ark., has pleaded guilty to voting twice in an election. Yet he's still running for re-election. There's a word for his kind of public official as opposed to public servant: shameless. There's a lot of that going around. While others talk about budget deficits, there's a more basic deficit in American politics--a character deficit.
Turkey's new and ever more grasping dictator Recep Tayyip Erdogan has demanded that this country hand over an imam who took refuge here in the United States. Of course Turkey's new but all too familiar strongman wants to get his hands on Fethullah Gulen, a dissenter who's been a voice for democracy and the rule of law in his country. He's now living peacefully in rural Pennsylvania, from where he's supposed to have masterminded an attempted coup in his native country. A likely story. At this point all he may want is to be left alone. And that's just what the United States should do: leave him alone. He's not the first foreigner to take political refuge in this land of the free and home of the brave--remember Alexander Solzhenitsyn?--and he surely won't be the last. Not as long as Lady Liberty holds her torch beside the golden door.
Hooray (again) for Wal-Mart, which employs some million and a half American workers, dubbed associates. It's starting a new program that should give them more control over their time on the job and therefore their lives. Wal-Mart is a pace-setter for the American economy, including its competitors. When it announced last year that it was raising its minimum wage, Target and Costco promptly followed suit. Just as it gives customers more choices, it's giving its workers more choices when it comes to setting their own hours on the job. At the same time, it's re-introducing tried and true ways of helping its patrons, like greeters who help folks navigate its stores. Remember those nice folks? They helped make the Wal-Mart store nearest you a social as well as commercial center. Happy shopping!
It shouldn't have come as a surprise, but those self-driving cars of the future turn out to have all-too-human accidents, including a fatal one not too long ago. The familiar moral of this story: Perfection is not to be achieved in this world.
Let the Games begin: Rio de Janeiro is playing host to the Summer Olympics, and they've seldom been bigger--or dirtier. In so many ways. From sanitation to finance, Rio is proving one big cesspool. Oh, for the days when it was known for its beaches, not the trash that washed up on them. The Rio of the samba and bossa nova is eclipsed this year by the brightness of the sun, social media and some stunning performances by American stars. But surely the old Rio will return, along with some of Brazil's more curious national legends like Alberto Santos-Dumont, whom Brazilians claim was the real father of flight rather than the Wright Brothers--those latecomers to aviation.
This is Walter Winchell signing off for Jergens, secret of the skin you love to touch.
Paul Greenberg is the Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial writer and columnist for the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette.
Editorial on 08/14/2016