Dear Abby: My daughter asked me if she should have another child, and based on what I have observed with her first, I definitely feel she shouldn’t. I want a polite way to respond without hurting her feelings, but can’t find the words.
She loves her child, but loses patience quickly. She can’t handle it when her 2-year-old whines or cries. Can you help? — Definitely Not in Oregon
Dear Definely Not: Every parent feels this way sometimes. However, if you feel your daughter can’t handle the stress, be honest with her and tell her why you have “concerns.”
Dear Abby: My daughter has been friends with twin girls for several years. We know that money is tight in their family. We invite them over to eat as often as we can, and they know our home is their home.
The twins are now applying to colleges, but have repeatedly expressed concern that they don’t have enough money to pay the ACT or college submission fees.
We are in a position to help them submit these applications, but don’t know how to approach the topic. How can we help? — Enough to Share
Dear Enough to Share: Because the girls spend so much time at your home, it’s likely their parents already know their daughters are friendly with your family. I do not think it would be offensive if you were to call the parents and make the offer. If they are reluctant to accept, you could propose it as a “loan” that can be repaid after the girls graduate.
Dear Abby: My fatherin-law died a couple of months ago, and now my mother-in-law insists that one of her kids spend the night with her. She says “people” have told her she should not spend a night alone for at least a year.
This is causing grief and bitterness because my husband has explained to her that when he stayed the first two weeks, he left me at home alone, and it was time she started to move on.
What are the obligations of the children when a parent dies? Are we being too hard on her, or does she need to seek help with moving on? — Tired of Sleeping Alone
Dear Tired: My deepest sympathy to your mother-inlaw, but it is not the responsibility of an adult child to leave his (or her) spouse to sleep with Mama for a year. A week or two, perhaps — but certainly not a year.
His mother should talk to someone about joining a grief support group to help her through this time. And if she’s afraid to be alone in the house a solution could be for her to adopt a pet.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit
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