The brass thought they were really onto something in the post-Vietnam era, when they finally got rid of C-rations. Gather 'round children, and we'll tell you what Army chow was like for the old-timers: Imagine getting a box lunch for every meal--a real box containing smaller boxes and tin cans. One tin can might have been labeled Turkey Loaf, another Meat and Vegetable Hash, if they ever got that specific. Sometimes a can might have been labeled Canned Meat, and you could take your best guess. Fed-up troopers sometimes just called it Dead Stuff in Fat. Which was more descriptive than any label.
Then along came the plastic MRE pouches. Meals, Ready to Eat were a bit more palatable, if you got a lucky draw. Not everybody could get the hamburger or the ravioli. The Materials Resembling Edibles did away with cigarettes but sometimes came up with stuff even more suspicious: Pork Patty, Chicken Loaf, Tuna with Noodles, Chow Mein and Chicken a la King. Anybody who'd draw the Pork Patty or Chicken a la Death could never find a trading partner. Kids, war is hell.
But as the years went on, even the MRE got better. Especially when the contractors added Tabasco sauce, pretzels and multigrain breads--and even heaters to warm up the food and coffee.
Now word comes that the engineers have developed another item for the Meals Refused by Enemy: pizza!
Yes, pizza. Or a reasonable facsimile thereof. Word has it that this "pizza" is made of dough, which is a start. Plus it has something akin to a tomato spread, cheese, and meat sauce. And it can last three years in an MRE pouch. (Three years is nothing. Ask your college student how long that pizza has been in the fridge.)
The food engineers at the Army lab in Natick, Mass., say the pizza package could make it to the field sometime next year. The technicians, nutritionists, scientists and Sensory Evaluators (this is still the U.S. Army) are curious to see if the product passes the taste test. And the only way to find out is to give it to the grunts. If they start using the square pizza slices for target practice, the brass will have its answer.
No matter what happens with this Frankenpizza, one thing's for sure: At least the brass is trying. And good for them. Napoleon once said that an army marches on its stomach. He knew a little about how armies work.
So give the troops what they want, and keep trying to perfect their meals. They can't always get Sonic or Burger King, but they deserve the best the rest of us can give them. After all, they're standing between us and the bad guys.
Good appetite, soldiers. And avoid the tuna.
Editorial on 02/13/2016