Parents and family members who have been through the worst experience of their lives — losing a child — can come together beginning today to talk about their feelings.
A free Conway Regional Health System perinatal-bereavement support group, Healing Wings, will meet from 2-4 p.m. today at the Frauenthal Estate, at Western and Louvenia avenues, north of the medical center in Conway.
Lesly James, bereavement coordinator, said the free support group is being restarted after a hiatus. Held the second Sunday each month, the group is for people who have experienced a loss at any stage of pregnancy, or a stillbirth or newborn death.
“It’s been something I’m pretty passionate about because there’s such a need in this area,” James said.
When women whose babies have died are discharged, the perinatal-bereavement program offers photos, footprints, handprints, clothing and more. Also, James said she sends follow-up cards and makes calls, and a Walk to Remember is held in the fall.
“For some, that’s just not enough,” she said.
Some parents who have had a baby die feel like they can’t mention the child’s name after a certain time because other people feel awkward.
“We wanted to create something that’s a judgment-free zone,” James said. “It’s almost creating a safe place for them to deal with their grief and expose them and their feelings.
“People feel like after a certain amount of time, they should just be done with this [grieving]. They don’t understand your whole life changes when you have a loss like this.”
James said participants in the support group will be reassured: “I’m not crazy for six months down the line still feeling like this. I can call his or her name and not feel like I’m being scrutinized for bringing this up.”
Topics will differ each month, she said.
“I’m going to facilitate, but [the parents are] going to lead this group,” said James, a licensed social worker.
During today’s meeting, James said, her plan is to set down the ground rules for the support group and basically explain what a support group means.
“People think it means therapy. It can be therapeutic, but we’re not offering therapy services,” she said.
However, resources are available if people need additional help. She said representatives of Counseling Associates may be invited to a future meeting.
“My department has purchased journals for some who might be shy. They can take it home, and they can write these things down,” James said. “This will be an opportunity for us to hear everybody’s story.”
The perinatal-bereavement program was initiated by Mike Smyers of Conway, whose daughter, Tricia O’Connor, experienced two miscarriages. Smyers died in April 2011, but his widow, Jeanne Smyers, and O’Connor raise money for the program through a one-night annual event at their business, the Kitchen Store and More. During the sale, 100 percent of the proceeds are donated to the perinatal-bereavement program.
O’Connor said her father worked through the Conway Regional Foundation and a friend of hers who was a social worker to start the perinatal-bereavement program.
When the support group was active, “we (O’Connor and her husband, Rob) were on the other side of [the miscarriages],” but she thinks it’s a worthwhile initiative, O’Connor said. She also said James is “wonderful” in her role with the program.
James said proceeds from the sale have been used to create a perinatal-bereavement room and buy the program’s materials, including clothing for the babies to wear in photographs and books for the parents to help them cope with their loss.
“It’s an overwhelming experience,” James said of a baby’s death. Although James said she has never experienced the loss of a biological child, her 10-year-old niece died.
James takes photographs of the infants and creates a memory box for parents to take home. The clothing the child wore, as well as a ring used in photographs with the baby, and the books are placed in the box, as well as other mementos.
People often ask James how she can do her job.
James said she does cry sometimes after working with parents.
“But I say God puts us all in a position to be able to help people in one way or another,” she said. “We all play a role; we all work together.
It’s not just me; it’s not just them.
“I think that’s why our families come back later and say we were so important during that process.”
For more information about the group or the perinatal-bereavement program, contact James at (501) 513-5228 or (501) 697-5564.
Senior writer Tammy Keith can be reached at (501) 327-0370 or tkeith@arkansasonline.com.