So I understand some of you may be seeking an alternative to watching today's Super Bowl, especially those who fear this year's will be just a near-repeat of last year's game, and is subject to have the same (snooze) champion.
The Talkmistress feels the same. Not even the lure of intriguing/silly/nut-job commercials has aroused my enthusiasm for sitting and watching the pigs(kin) fly today. And I'm determined to stay on the low-carb wagon, so I can't use the game as an excuse to sit and snarf unhealthful snacks.
If you are of this particular state of mind, you may have already surfed online for a list of alternative activities, but found yourself uninspired.
But you haven't yet seen this list of alternatives to watching the Super Bowl. It comes at the 11th hour but, for the most part, can be carried out on a dime.
No, I won't say to watch the puppies and kittens and streaming-company fare and Law and Order/Walking Dead marathons. I won't say go to the sure-to-be uncrowded mall, because chances are that you, too, are middle-aged and also cringe at the thought of spending a lot of time in the mall under any circumstances. I will, however, start out with two shopping-related suggestions.
Without further ado, I present:
Let's Talk list
of alternatives to
Super Bowl Watching
• Do shop the supermarket. Especially the __ aisle in the supermarket. Yeah. That aisle. You know -- the aisle you have never been able to shop in peace, because all the other times you've gone grocery-ing, 50 other people need to come into your personal space, peer past you and apologetically reach around you when you're looking for what you need. Either that, or you're one of the 50 people who need to personal-space-invade, peer past and apologetically reach around the person who beat the rest of you to that very aisle.
• Go to the movies. But don't just go to the high-grossing blockbuster you've been waiting on the crowds to die down to see. This is the perfect time to go see what the heck the Oscar-nominated films are all about, especially if you have barely heard of any of the top nominees. Challenge yourself to sit all the way through one and try to understand it.
• Yes, rearrange your closet. If you're like me, it won't do much good anyway because you simply don't have enough closet for your clothes. But at least you'll have a better chance of finding a particular outfit for a good two weeks.
• Cook a full meal. You won't be preparing/buying cheese dip and chips, potato wedges, chicken wings and such, so why not go all the way out with the Roast Duck With Mango Salsa? Southwestern Maple Glazed Salmon With Pineapple Salsa? Crab-Stuffed Lobster Tail? Especially if you get to eat it yourself because everybody else is off watching the bowl? Post a bragging social media pic to all those who had to share pizza rolls while arguing over that pass Tom Brady did or didn't make.
• Go on Youtube.com and watch old halftime performances and Super Bowl commercials. Later, when the 2018 performance and commercials are immortalized there, have another gathering and rate them. Group them into such categories as:
Beer commercials with horses
Beer commercials with dogs
Website domain company commercials with vulgar references
Cute kids in popular chips commercials
Commercials with violence (slaps, football tackles)
Commercials starring Betty White
Commercials starring a "PuppyMonkeyBaby" ...
Etc.
• Meet some girlfriends at a place you don't, and ordinarily wouldn't, frequent, and find yourself getting hit on by somebody half your age. (Um, this actually happened to somebody once. Won't say who, but it freaked her out.)
• Go into the mega-discount store and try some of the least-likely-to-be-sent-to-jail entries on that list of silly mega-discount-store activities everyone used to forward in emails -- "Look up at the ceiling and see how many people look up," "In the auto department, practice your 'Madonna' look with various funnels." (But find an updated list. One older list includes "Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.")
• Catch up on your social media lurking, liking, commenting and arguing. If all your social-media "friends" are watching and commenting on the Super Bowl, have fun with them by making totally unrelated comments to their posts.
• Make your own early March Madness brackets.
• Find 2018 Winter Olympics preview research. Make brackets there too.
Hut, hut, email!
hwilliams@arkansasonline.com
Style on 02/04/2018