I won't lie. I'm sometimes tempted to buy a scratch-off ticket or two after reading about those who have won some nice money playing the lottery. The temptation gets a bit more problematic when I come across that once-in-a-blue-moon story about a person who has won big on a couple of occasions.
My reluctance to gamble goes back to my church-chick roots, but I also have to sometimes remind myself of the usual secular world reasons it's better to leave the lottery alone: that coming into money via lottery would bring too many problems -- from being targeted by those who want in on the money to the likelihood of becoming another rags-to-riches-back-to-rags statistic -- and that saving the money one would spend on lottery tickets would yield more surefire results.
So I turn my head away from the Powerball jackpot announcements; avoid watching shows like HGTV's My Lottery Dream Home and recite the odds of winning -- one in 302.6 million for Mega Millions and one in 292.2 million for Powerball, according to a January post at Money.CNN.com -- and look at online lists like "15 Things More Likely Than A Lottery Win," posted gallery slide-show style at Huffingtonpost.com.
This list was an eye-opener, to say the least. Here are a few high points:
• Dating a supermodel, with odds of 88,000 to 1. A female supermodel, Heidi Klum, is shown. Hmmm, let's Google the male supermodels. So basically, I'd have a better chance of going out with Tyson Beckford, named by Vogue magazine as the greatest male model of all time, than -- wait, he's married, or reportedly so depending on where you look online. I am for sure married to a guy who's not a model, but is considered quite the dancer by those who have seen him in certain Facebook posts. Well, let's move on.
• Becoming president, with odds of 10 million to 1. Wow, so there's a better chance of getting to run the country than winning a king's ransom. The question is, which would cause the most stress and polarization? At least if you're a lottery winner, it's likely that the only people arguing at the breakfast table and at holiday dinners would be your relatives.
• Becoming a movie star, with odds of 1,505,000 to 1. This list entry is illustrated by the couple formerly known as "Brangelina" -- Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. They're just two of the many movie stars whose offscreen troubles have caused some of us to pause, reflect on our childhood ambition to see our names up in lights and think, well, maybe it's not so bad to be a broke, obscure popcorn-eating movie watcher.
• Birthing identical quadruplets, with odds of 13 million to 1. Whew, then we'd need to win the lottery to take care of them all.
• Dying from being left-handed, with odds of 4,400,000 to 1 -- definitely an eye-opener for left-handed moi. "It's a right-handed world," according to DailyBeast.com, from where some of the information for the Huffington Post list came. "Apparently, a fair number of left-handed people die each year from using right-handed products incorrectly." This info goes back to a story at Mirror.co.uk: "Scientists calculate odd ways to die." We lefties have been forced to use right-handed products all our lives; those childhood schoolhouse desks were especially delightful for one overweight, left-handed kid in particular. But we'll be sure to avoid the right-handed power saw, said to be the most deadly for us. Matter of fact, having had a few too many hair accidents just trying to use power clippers, I think I'll avoid left-handed power saws too. Especially in light of this notice on the list: Losing an appendage to a chainsaw, odds 4,464 to 1.
Three more more-likely-to-die-in-some-way-than-win-the-lottery entries come forth: drowning in a bathtub, 840,000 to 1; being murdered, 18,000 to 1; and dying in an asteroid apocalypse, 12,500 to 1. OK, so isn't our likelihood of dying -- period -- much higher than hitting those lottery numbers correctly?
My favorite list entry was the one that boasted the lowest odds: Writing a New York Times best-seller: 220 to 1. Now that should inspire a writer or two. Suggested subject: A left-handed, lottery-winning supermodel's significant other goes on to become a movie star, give birth to identical quadruplets and be elected president of the United States. But then one day she decides to do a little woodworking ...
Send that winning email:
hwilliams@arkansasonline.com
Style on 06/17/2018